Meant to Live

Our country has grown so divisive that a new fear has been unlocked for many of us. The fear of getting shot.

There are people out there choosing violence when someone doesn't agree with them. Or if someone looks at them funny. Or for no apparent reason at all. And, no matter your political views, this is terrifying.

So, it's no wonder there's a rise in hopelessness, stress, and mental health diagnoses. A September Gallup poll indicates that the U.S. depression rate is at a historic high, with a current projection of 47.8 million Americans suffering from depression in 2025.

After all, how can you not feel anxious and even scared when going to any public place nowadays? For instance, my friend and I attended a concert last weekend and, despite the metal detectors out front, we still couldn't help but mention to each other, "What if...?" And my parents now have a security guard stationed outside their church on Sunday mornings for this exact reason.

With shootings happening recently at schools, churches, grocery stores, movie theaters, health clinics, and neighborhood block parties, it feels like nowhere is off limits. And it's emotionally exhausting to have to be worried about this all the time.

I recently saw a woman post on TikTok that even after 9/11, she felt safer than she feels today. At least during that time, there was more empathy in this country as everyone joined together for a common cause. Now, I see people actually arguing on social media about whether or not certain people deserved to be shot and killed. Excuse me, what?!

But, even more than the shootings, what causes me the most anxiety is how many people seem to hate each other nowadays. For a while there, people were celebrated, or at least accepted, for their differences in beliefs, culture, color of skin, gender, and who they loved – but that doesn't feel like the case anymore.

So, how can you cope with an anxiety that's happening across the entire country? I know this is where I usually share advice, but even I'm struggling to come up with anything. That's because this isn't something you can journal or meditate your way out of.

What I can tell you, though, is if you're feeling this way, you're not alone. And, if you feel like there's a lack of human decency in the world today, I believe there are still more good people out there than bad.

In fact, about 70% of the world’s population did at least one kind thing in the last month, according to this year's World Happiness Report. And, according to a national survey by the Harvard Kennedy School, 96% of Americans still believe we have a responsibility to respect the rights of others.

I have witnessed firsthand this kind of compassion. I saw the sheer number of people who donated to my friend after her house burned down. I've seen people stop to help a stranger whose car broke down on the side of the road. I saw all the people who joined together to support my transgender friend when she felt unsafe. And I saw the hundreds, if not thousands, who peacefully rallied against violence and discrimination in my area.

These moments have proven to me that our capacity for connection and empathy is stronger than hate. There's still good in this world and far more people willing to help others than not.

If you are struggling with what's happening in the world today, know that many people are feeling the same way as you are. You don't have to struggle alone. Talk to your primary care physician, who can treat mental health conditions or refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist for additional help. If you or someone you know is in immediate crisis, call the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

The anxiety of public life when everywhere feels off limits

Our country has grown so divisive that a new fear has been unlocked for many of us. The fear of getting shot. There are people out there ch...

I lead a pretty good life, and I’m a decently optimistic person. So, you may be surprised to find out that I think about suicide pretty regularly.

I share this because, often, people who experience suicidal ideations aren’t who you’d expect. With my background in mental health, I have met several people who have lost family members to suicide. And many have expressed similar sentiments – that he or she was a happy person, and they never saw it coming.

Suicide truly can happen to anyone. The signs may be obvious, or they may not. It could be a guy who struggles to get out of bed or take a shower, a girl who attends parties every weekend, or anyone in-between.

When someone dies by suicide, it’s common for their loved ones to beat themselves up, thinking, “I should have known! Why didn’t I know?!” Or you may think, “They didn’t love me enough to stay.”

But, when someone has a mental illness and dies by suicide, they aren’t in their right mind. They can’t see past that moment, and they definitely aren’t thinking about how much their loved ones will miss them. Dying by suicide is like dying from any other untreated illness, and it’s no one’s fault.

For me, suicidal thoughts will pop into my head often. And the thought isn’t a conscious decision, like, “I'm going to think about suicide now.” The thought will enter my mind as if it’s coming from someone else. Maybe I’ll make a stupid mistake or say the wrong thing or even just experience a minor inconvenience, and the thought will suddenly appear, “You should just kill yourself” or “Everyone would be better off without you.”

I would never act on these thoughts, thanks to the fact that I am physically unable to inflict pain on myself. I’m also well-versed enough in mental illness to be able to take these thoughts for what they are. A chemical imbalance in my brain.

I like to think of these thoughts as a little devil on my shoulder, spouting out lies. But some days are harder than others not to listen to it. Sometimes it’s difficult not to believe the thoughts that say, “No one would miss you if you were gone.”

If you feel this way, it’s important to talk to a professional. If you had cancer, you wouldn’t just sit around, hoping it would go away on its own. The same goes for mental illness and suicidal ideations.

Throughout my years dealing with this, here’s some effective strategies I’ve found:

Following the plan I created with my doctor. My psychiatrist prescribed Xanax, a fast-acting medication which can relieve symptoms of anxiety within 30 to 60 minutes. I use as needed in moments of crisis to help calm my brain when it feels like I’m spiraling. Having a plan specific to my needs, approved by a professional, is my most important tool.
Doing something else to take my mind off of it. Sometimes, the best way to quiet the intrusive thoughts is to distract them. I’ll watch a comfort movie, listen to music or an audiobook, or even do the dishes — any activity that pulls me out of my head and into the present moment.
Doing nothing. When my brain is too loud to be distracted, I do the opposite. I'll lie in a dark room with my hands at my side and just try to be still, or even fall asleep if I’m able to. It’s hard to act on these thoughts when you’re not moving, or, even better, when you're sleeping.
Calling my mom or another loved one. When the thoughts feel overwhelming, it helps to reach out to someone who can help talk me through it. Especially my mom, who, obviously, has known me my entire life and who, without, I wouldn’t even have a life. Just hearing her voice reminds me, there is someone who would be devastated if I was gone. This simple act of connecting with someone who loves me can be enough to remind me that I’m not alone.
Reminding myself that there are people who need me. My 12-month-old son needs me to, well, do everything for him right now. My husband needs my help taking care of our baby and, of course, paying the bills. And my cat needs me to feed him, clean up his poop, and be a warm body to sleep on top of. Of course, I know I’m more than my responsibilities, but it helps to put these things into perspective when I’m feeling like everyone would be better off without me.

If you’ve ever thought about suicide, you are not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated 10.6 million adults in the U.S. report having suicidal thoughts each year. What’s important, though, is that you don’t act on these thoughts. Instead, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, anytime, at 988. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and there is support waiting for you.

For more information, read this article on MI Blue Daily.

What suicidal ideations feel like to me

I lead a pretty good life, and I’m a decently optimistic person. So, you may be surprised to find out that I think about suicide pretty regu...

If you asked me what I least expected since becoming a mother, it’s not the sleepless nights or the diabolical diapers. One thing I still haven’t gotten used to is how unreliable I’ve become – to everyone except my son.

I’ve always prided myself on how reliable I am. I am a “Yes Girl” through and through, and I always try to be there for the people I love. Almost every weekend is packed full because saying “No” makes me feel like a crappy friend, even if it’s at the expense of my own mental health. Since having a child, though, being a “Yes Girl” all the time just isn’t possible.

Sometimes I’ll have to cancel plans at the last second because my son got sick at the germ factory that is daycare. I’m late to almost everything because of an unexpected poop, puke, or general poor time management (getting yourself and a baby ready at the same time is HARD).

Having to say “No,” and, especially, having to cancel plans, makes my skin crawl. I still try to make it to the big things, like the bachelorette parties, the weddings, and the birthday parties, but it’s just not feasible for me to make it to every hangout like I used to.

But here’s another thing I didn’t expect: I’d often rather be with my baby. No offense to the other people in my life, but I never knew I could miss someone so much when I’m away – especially someone 36 years younger than me who doesn’t speak English. But he's only this little for so long, and I want to be there for as much of it as I can.

Even if you don’t have a child, though, you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for saying, “No.” You don’t have to have other plans. Self-care, staying home, and relaxing after a hard week – that is “plans,” and you don't have to apologize for taking this time for yourself.

Saying 'No' even if you don't have other plans

Human beings need dedicated time to recharge in order to function at full capacity. This may mean declining a get-together or even an extra shift at work. Studies have shown that "doing nothing" is crucial for problem-solving, creativity, and memory consolidation, suggesting that time spent simply relaxing is actually highly productive for your brain.

This is something that's taken me a long time to realize and, with a baby, now I'm forced to put it into practice. Below are some tips I've found that have helped me make time for myself and say "No" when I need to:

Set a dedicated rule for how many times you go out during the week to avoid burnout. For me, since having a child, I've made a rule for myself that, at most, I only agree to plans one day a week where my son isn't invited. Any more than that, and I say, "No."

You don't have to give a reason why. Just say, "I'm sorry, I can't come!" or "I'm sorry, I'm busy that day." If they ask why, just reiterate, "I'm just not able to make it this time, but I hope you have fun." You can also say, "I've been crazy busy lately!" or "There's just some stuff I have to get done around the house!"

Think about how much energy the event will take. In my 20s, I could go out to a party or a concert every weekend night. Now, I can't. If you know you're staying out late on a Friday night, it's okay to not want to do it two nights in a row. Prioritize your own rest without feeling guilty about it!

Offer a raincheck. When you have to say "No," suggest a day to meet later. This lets the other person know you are saying "No" to the time, not the person.

Take a random PTO day from work. Don't tell anyone else. Don't make any plans. Still take your kid to daycare, if you have a kid, and just dedicate the whole day to yourself.

When that wave of guilt hits after saying "No," remind yourself that it is necessary. Saying "No" to a party means saying "Yes" to your family, your mental health, and your energy reserves. This reframing is a powerful tool against the anxiety of disappointing others. The people who truly love you will understand that it's just not possible to do everything. You are not a bad friend or a bad employee for needing time to breathe, rest, and recharge.

Why saying 'No' feels so hard — and why it's necessary for your mental health

If you asked me what I least expected since becoming a mother, it’s not the sleepless nights or the diabolical diapers. One thing I still ha...

After emerging from the newborn trenches, I was surprised that it wasn’t until now – nine months after giving birth – that I’m struggling with depression.

Difficulty sleeping, randomly crying, nausea, muscle aches, irritability and trouble concentrating – it all hit me like a freight train. And I wondered, “Why is this happening to me now?!”

When I started getting stomach cramps that resembled contractions, I knew something was up, and it made me take a closer look at my daily life.

I thought about a recent change I made that could be the cause. A few days ago, I began weaning myself off breastfeeding. My supply had dipped, and I’d often have to feed my baby a bottle of formula immediately after breastfeeding because he didn’t get enough milk from me. The work of it – pumping to maintain my supply and the energy zap it took on my body – didn’t feel worth the result.

But it hadn’t crossed my mind that quitting breastfeeding could cause such a visceral reaction – so, when I started experiencing these symptoms, I had no idea what was going on! That’s why I wanted to share my experience because it’s something nobody ever told me.

Hormonal Rollercoaster

As you wean, estrogen levels rise while prolactin (the hormone stimulating milk production) and oxytocin (often called the “love hormone”) in your body decrease. According to Parents Magazine, this sudden hormonal shift can significantly impact your mood, leading to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and in some cases, depression. It even has a name – “Post-weaning Depression” – and it’s just another thing that mothers go through that completely screws up our hormones.

On top of that, weaning can be uncomfortable. I’ve been forcing myself to take longer and longer breaks between pumping to signal to my body to stop producing – which, at times, has led to painful breast engorgement and has only added to my overall crappy mood.

Dr. Gail Saltz, an associate professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, tells Parents Magazine that post-weaning depression is less familiar to the psychiatric community than other postpartum conditions. "Women often do not reveal they have these feelings or don't realize that (post-weaning depression) is what they are experiencing," she said.

Beyond the hormonal shifts, there's also a significant emotional side to weaning, and quitting earlier than you wanted can make depression more likely. There’s part of me that feels guilty about not making it to a year, especially after how hard I worked to be able to breastfeed in the first place (my baby refused to latch in the beginning, so I had to exclusively pump for the first couple months to keep my supply).

I’ve also loved breastfeeding my baby and those special moments between the two of us. But I need to remind myself that, just because breastfeeding is over, that doesn't mean that bond ends. This little human is a part of me, and our bond – which will be built on countless interactions throughout our lives – is only just beginning.

Finding the Silver Lining

If you are struggling with weaning or you’re feeling guilty, I would suggest focusing on the positives. For instance, I'm excited to be able to share the responsibility of feeding my son with my husband – especially the feedings that are in the middle of the night (sorry, babe!).

Quitting breastfeeding can also feel like reclaiming a part of your identity as your own individual – not just a mother. Although the weaning process may make you feel out of whack in the beginning, you will experience the calm after the storm with the return of hormonal balance and the clearing of "baby brain."

“Baby brain” has been awful for me personally, and this is one of the things I’m most excited to get back to normal. It’s been a regular occurrence for me to put something away and have no recollection of where I put it or walk into a room and have no idea what I was going to do. I also haven’t been the best version of myself at work – panicking to get tasks done right before deadline because I completely spaced out.

But, as hormones begin to normalize after quitting breastfeeding, the clouds of "baby brain" will begin to part. The drop in prolactin and the rebalancing of other hormones play a role in this mental clarity. While it might not happen overnight, women report feeling more like their sharper, pre-pregnancy selves in the weeks and months following weaning – regaining energy, improving their mood and sleeping better, according to Talkiatry Online Psychiatry.

Other things to look forward to include:

Physical Comfort: An end to breastfeeding means an end to potential discomforts like sore or cracked nipples, painful engorgement, biting (if your little one has teeth) and the risk of mastitis.
Dietary Freedom: You no longer need to worry as much about how the foods or drinks you consume might affect your baby through your breast milk. And you can re-introduce the meds you may have cut out while pregnant and nursing. For me, I'm excited to be able to take Xanax for my anxiety again, which I had to cut cold turkey ever since I found out I was pregnant 18 months ago.
Wardrobe Liberation: You will finally have the freedom to wear whatever you like – no longer considering accessibility for feeding and being able to pack away the nursing bras with the flaps and clips.
Reclaiming Your Schedule: The logistical complexities of breastfeeding and pumping often mean your schedule is dictated by feedings. For me, I felt like I was living my life in four-hour increments, whether I was with my baby or not, because that's how often I'd have to pump. Once you've weaned, you regain a level of freedom. You can go for an impromptu dinner, run errands without watching the clock, and not have to hide in a back room in the middle of the workday to pump.

Remember, a gradual weaning process, where the number of feeds is reduced slowly, can help minimize hormonal fluctuations and reduce the intensity of potential side effects. If you are struggling with post-weaning depression, I would also suggest talking with your gynecologist, who can prescribe medication to help accelerate the weaning process, and a psychiatrist, who can help treat your depression.

While I know it’s easier said than done, please stop feeling guilty – something I’m also trying to tell myself. While the saying “Breast is best” may have been engrained into your brain, the real truth is that “Fed it best.” That’s the only thing that matters – and as long as you’re doing that, whether you breastfed for zero months, six months or two years – you’re doing great!

Post-weaning depression: What I didn’t know about quitting breastfeeding

After emerging from the newborn trenches, I was surprised that it wasn’t until now – nine months after giving birth – that I’m struggling wi...

When you are envious over what someone else has, this can affect your self-esteem and potentially lead to anxiety and depression. Guest blogger Mike Lerchenfeldt writes about how to break this cycle.

By Mike Lerchenfeldt
Meant to Live Contributor

The intertwining threads of jealousy, stress, and depression can form a suffocating web that affects mental well-being. Jealousy, often stemming from insecurity, can trigger a chain reaction of stressful thoughts and physiological responses that lead to depressive states.

"Jealousy is a form of fear, and fear is a major stressor,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, California State University professor. “When you're constantly in a state of fear, your body produces cortisol, which negatively affects both your physical and mental health."

This chronic stress, driven by perceived threats to relationships or status, can result in ongoing anxiety and a feeling of helplessness. I recall a time when various forms of jealousy consumed me. Comparing my progress to that of others, I became fixated on perceived inequalities.

This constant mental churn triggered sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy that contributed to stress, manifested as physical tension and emotional exhaustion, eventually leading to a period of depressive symptoms. The relentless focus on what I lacked created a negative feedback loop, amplifying feelings of worthlessness.

This experience aligns with research showing that social comparison, a major part of jealousy, can contribute to depressive symptoms. Comparing oneself to others fosters feelings of inadequacy, erodes self-esteem, and creates fertile ground for depression to grow.

Breaking this cycle requires addressing the underlying insecurities that drive jealousy. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and counseling can be a valuable tool, aiding individuals in identifying and challenging negative thought patterns. Mindfulness practices can also promote a sense of self-compassion, which diminishes the tendency for harsh self-judgment.

Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional distress linked to jealousy is a crucial step toward healing and fostering healthier relationships with oneself and others. For me, this path is deeply intertwined with my faith. I believe God created us to be the ‘best version of ourselves,’ not 'better than' our neighbor. Accepting and embracing this has been my most helpful first step!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mike Lerchenfeldt is a freelance writer and middle school teacher from metro Detroit. This Dad of two likes exploring places and supporting local businesses. Through teacher exchanges, he has traveled to Japan and New Zealand.

Breaking the cycle: How jealousy and social comparison can affect your mental health

When you are envious over what someone else has, this can affect your self-esteem and potentially lead to anxiety and depression. Guest blog...

Mental health and suicide awareness have always been important causes to me. But, becoming a new mom has given new meaning to how precious life is — considering now I know, firsthand, what goes into bringing a new life into the world.

Before, I never really thought about what my mom went through to have me. First, there's trying to get pregnant, which is easier for some than others. For my mom, she was in her 40s when she had me, so she knew there was a possibility she wouldn't get pregnant before menopause hit. But then, after about six months of trying, the two pink lines appeared on her pregnancy test.

Then, she had to go through nine months of pregnancy and, of course, labor —which my mom did without an epidural — to deliver me. Then, all the dirty diapers, the hours of breastfeeding, and the nights spent lying on the floor, holding my hand through the crib's bars, because that was the only way I'd fall asleep.

So, I can't imagine how my mom felt when I struggled with depression as a teenager and told her, "I want to die." Thinking about it as a mother now, I don't want to imagine my son ever saying anything like that to me someday. But, when I was in the middle of my suicidal ideations, I failed to realize the preciousness of my own life and everything my mom went through to bring me into it.

I know, when everything hurts so bad that death feels like the only way out, you're not thinking logically. But, if you ever find yourself in that situation, I hope you'll remember this: Your life is precious, and it took a lot for you to be here. Even if your birth story is less than ideal, so many circumstantial events had to happen, exactly as they did, for you to exist.

If you trace it back, there had to be two parents, four grandparents, eight great-grandparents, 16 great-great-grandparents, 32 great-great-great grandparents and so on for you to exist. Then there's the choices each of them made in order to meet and have a kid (or decide to become a surrogate/sperm donor/whatever the case may be).

For my parents, they were introduced by my mom's ex-sister-in-law, whose husband worked with my dad. It's weird to think, if my mom hadn't met her ex-husband and gone through that painful experience, she never would have met my dad and I wouldn't be here today. And, for me, if my husband didn't wait the six months it took me to finally agree to go on a date with him (sorry, babe!), my son Dean wouldn't be here either.

On top of that — not to be all sex-ed on you — but, when you were created, out of millions of sperm, only one could fertilize that specific egg. The odds of that exact combination happening, the one that created you, are astronomically small. It's a once-in-a-universe event.

So, if ever you feel like your life doesn't matter, remember that YOU are a once-in-universe event! The fact that you are here, at this very moment, is nothing short of a miracle, when you think about it. And because our existence is so improbable and precious, we owe it to ourselves, and those who came before us, to cherish and protect our lives and the lives of others.

Each life has an impact on others, even if you don't realize it. What you do with this life, that's up to you — but no matter what you do, I hope you choose to keep living. Even when things feel hopeless, the future holds possibilities you can't imagine. You are meant to be here; you are meant to live.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to connect with a trained volunteer crisis counselor. You don't have to do this alone.

How Mother's Day reminds us how precious our lives are

Mental health and suicide awareness have always been important causes to me. But, becoming a new mom has given new meaning to how precious l...

I have a core memory of being in youth group when a speaker asked us to close our eyes before saying, “Raise your hand if you’ve ever contemplated suicide.”

After a few seconds, he asked us to re-open our eyes. I almost dropped my arm down – thinking I’d be the only one – but, when I peeked, I saw that almost everyone in the room was raising their hands too.
This was an important realization for me – that this feeling wasn’t as abnormal as I thought.

In fact, suicide is a particularly common thought among youth – with more than one in five U.S. high schoolers saying they’ve seriously considered suicide, according to the CDC.

That’s why the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is such an important resource – especially for young people. But, as if it wasn’t heartbreaking enough how many teenagers consider ending their lives when their lives have barely begun, it’s even higher for those who are part of the gay community.

According to a 2024 survey by the Trevor Project, about 40% of LGBTQ+ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year — including NEARLY HALF of transgender and nonbinary young people.

My friend Jessica Michelle Graham, who came out as a trans woman in 2020, said, “As a child who struggled with accepting my biological gender, I cried so many times and thought of suicide many times. I wish, as a child/teen, I could have reached out to that type of help line to talk to someone who would understand my feelings.”

“I am lucky I didn’t harm myself and was able to transition, but many LGBTQ+ kids have ended their lives or harmed themselves and I am sure there would be so many more youth suicides if not for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.”

That’s why it’s so devastating that the Trump administration wants to cut funding to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), which oversees the 988 Lifeline – including their specialized services for LGBTQ+ youth.

NPR reports that the 988 Lifeline currently has specially trained counselors, often with similar life experiences, for high risk groups like veterans and LGBTQ+ youth.

Considering 988 has received nearly 1.3 million contacts from LGBTQ+ people since they launched in 2022, it’s crucial to have people who can specifically address the issues they are dealing with. But this proposal would do away with this.

During former president Joe Biden’s administration, SAMHSA’s staff nearly doubled in size – but Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has proposed reversing this increase in staff. And it appears that cuts to SAMHSA have already led to layoffs. In February 2025, SAMHSA reportedly laid off around 10% of its workforce due to government-wide cuts, according to STAT News.

There are reports suggesting that SAMHSA could face even more significant staff reductions in the future, possibly up to 50%. These potential job losses raise concerns about the capacity of the 988 Lifeline to meet the growing demand for mental health support – not just for LGBTQ+ youth, but for anyone in crisis.

Most people who are considering suicide don’t actually want to do it. They just want the pain to go away. And sometime all they need is an outside perspective – a voice of reason – to help talk them out of it and, ultimately, save their lives. But these cuts would mean fewer resources to handle the volume of calls, texts, and chats, potentially leading to longer wait times or unanswered requests for help – which could mean the difference between life and death for people across the country.

If you or someone you know is in crisis and you're struggling to get through to the 988 Lifeline or you need more specialized support, here are some addition resources:

Common Ground: If you are a resident of southeast Michigan, the nonprofit Common Ground offers mental health services to people who are currently in crisis. Call 1-800-231-1127 or click here to get support through their virtual urgent care.

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S., anytime, about any type of crisis.

The Trevor Project: This lifeline is specifically for LGBTQ+ youth and can be reached at 1-866-488-7386 or text 'START' to 678-678.

Trans Lifeline: A peer support hotline for transgender and gender non-conforming people, available at 877-565-8860.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): They offer a helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) and a crisis text line by texting NAMI to 741741. NAMI also has local affiliates that can provide community-based support and resources.

SAMHSA: Even with potential budget changes, SAMHSA's website offers a national helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders. They can provide referrals to treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Cuts to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline will affect everyone, especially LGBTQ+ youth

I have a core memory of being in youth group when a speaker asked us to close our eyes before saying, “Raise your hand if you’ve ever contem...

Earlier this month, I went on a two-week vacation from Michigan to Florida, which meant leaving snow, gloom and temperatures in the 30s and 40s for sun, beaches and temperatures in the 70s and 80s.

You would think, with getting time off work and going some place warm, I would be ecstatic. But, in fact, I was anything but.

That's because I struggle with travel anxiety.

Whether by plane, train or automobile, some causes of travel anxiety may be a fear of flying, worry about traffic accidents, a loss of control in unfamiliar environments, logistical worries about planning the trip itself, and challenges of being away from the comforts of home.

If I want to psychoanalyze myself, I can probably trace my vacation-related anxiety back to a trip I took to London when I was 19. The first day, my wallet was stolen. I lost my ID, my credit cards, my recently converted British pounds, and all my pre-paid tickets to events. Since I've had generalized anxiety disorder pretty much since I emerged from the womb, this event only exacerbated the anxiety I already had.

Now, I become an anal-retentive mess during the days and weeks leading up to a vacation. I become obsessed with the thought of forgetting or losing something. Add on having to worry about packing for a 7-month-old baby, instead of just myself, and this obsession reached astronomical levels this time around.

It also doesn't help that I tend to focus on worst-case scenarios. We traveled by car to bring all of our infant's necessities, and I kept thinking, "What if we get in a car accident? What if the baby screams the whole 20+ hours? What if the car seat hurts his developing body?" And, then, obsessively Googling best practices for long car journeys with a baby.

I won't lie and say that traveling with an infant was a walk in the park, but, of course, none of my worst-case scenarios happened either. While it is good to be prepared, getting stuck in a cycle of catastrophic thinking is usually unproductive and causes unnecessary distress.

I know it's easier said than done to just "Stop worrying." But, if you experience travel-related anxiety like me, here are some tips I've found that help ease my worries:

1. Make a list of all the things you are going to need, and check off the items as you pack them.

2. Pack the things that aren't easily replaceable first, like your driver's license, prescription medications, or eye glasses. Remind yourself that anything else you may forget, like underwear or a bathing suit, can be purchased while you're there.

3. Find a TV show/movie you're excited to watch, a book you're excited to read, or an audiobook/podcast to listen to if you're driving – and save it for your trip. It may help you actually look forward to traveling.

4. When a "what if" thought pops into your head, try and ask yourself, "What is the actual likelihood of this happening? What evidence do I have to support this worry? What are some more realistic outcomes?" For instance, if you're scared of flying, remind yourself that the chance of this happening is minuscule – around a 1 in 11 million chance.

5. Also, remember that prepping for the worst-case scenario isn't always a bad thing. For me, it was helpful to do research before our trip to make sure my son was safe on our long drive. I also make sure my bags are never unattended, and I downloaded the Waze app to see any upcoming traffic delays and alternate routes (and where police may be hiding...shhh....)

6. I tried to focus on the positives of my trip, like being able to put away my winter coat and wear shorts for the first time in 7 months, seeing out-of-town family and friends, and not having to take my baby boy to day care for two whole weeks.

A vacation is supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to be a much needed break. So remind yourself to take advantage of it because, if all you do is worry, you'll forget to actually relax and recharge – the whole point of getting away in the first place.

How to combat travel-related anxiety

Earlier this month, I went on a two-week vacation from Michigan to Florida, which meant leaving snow, gloom and temperatures in ...

Forgetting your phone is in your back pocket and dropping it in the toilet. Running over a curb and popping a tire. Locking your keys inside the house. Knocking over your coffee and spilling it all over the carpet.

Yes, these are all mistakes I have made before. In fact two of these mistakes — running over a curb and locking myself out of the house — just happened to me last week. And, with my anxious brain, I end up spiraling every time I make a mistake (especially when, because of that mistake, I have to pay for a new phone or tire). I will start thinking, "You're so stupid. You're a waste of space. How do you even function in the world? Everyone would be better off with you."

While you may think I'm being overdramatic, mental illness isn't really known for being logical. But one thing I try to do when I'm feeling this way is remind myself that these everyday mishaps happen to the best of us.

Mistakes, like dropping my phone in the toilet, don't define who I am. It's just...a wet phone. And, while it may be frustrating — and expensive — I have to practice self compassion and realize it doesn't make me a failure as a person.

There are also plenty of outside factors and life changes that can affect the amount of mistakes we make. If you are making more mistakes than usual —*raises hand* I know I am —it could be for a reason.

Why you may be making more mistakes than usual

For me, my life has recently been flipped on its head— ya know, the whole having a baby and keeping another human being alive thing. And, yes, that can definitely have a huge effect on the number of mistakes you make.

That's because the demands of caring for a baby can lead to disrupted sleep and physical exhaustion, which can impair memory, concentration, and decision-making. On top of that, I'm breastfeeding, which can burn up to 500 calories a day, which is comparable to a vigorous workout like running five miles. This energy demand, combined with hormonal shifts, can drain mental focus, which can also lead to occasional forgetfulness or lapses in judgment.

Other things that can make you more likely to make mistakes include stressful life events, hormonal shifts during pregnancy or menopause, fluctuations in cortisol and testosterone levels, and changes in medication. Dietary deficiencies, like a lack of essential nutrients such as vitamin B12 or iron, can also impair cognitive abilities.

All of these things can affect the number of mistakes you make, and none of these things make you stupid. This isn’t a reflection of a lack of capability but rather changes that may have happened in your life, such as being slammed at work, going through a break-up, losing a family member, becoming a parent, adjusting the dose of your antidepressants, and even just typical aging.

Mistakes make us human, and these moments give us stories to tell (or, in my case, gave me an idea for a blog). Mistakes also help us to learn. You better believe I've never put my phone in my pocket again when going to the bathroom — or put my phone on the edge of the bathtub (another example that ended badly for me).

If you do make a mistake more than once, that doesn't mean you should beat yourself up over that either. I am definitely guilty of spilling liquid on the floor my fair share of times (it especially hurt my soul when that liquid was breast milk I just pumped). But mistakes like these are not dangerous or life threatening — they're just inconvenient.

Remember to put things into perspective whenever you make a mistake and give yourself some grace. Life is messy for all of us, and that's okay.

Practice self-compassion when you make a mistake

Forgetting your phone is in your back pocket and dropping it in the toilet. Running over a curb and popping a tire. Locking your keys inside...

I've heard other parents try and commandeer the terms "Mom" and "Dad," acting like pet parents don't deserve these titles — especially on Mother's or Father's Day.

I didn't agree with it then. And, now that I am the parent of a human, I don't agree with it even more. As the mom of a human, I can say with certainty that I wasn't any less of a mom to my two cats. And, after the death of my first pet, it really does feels like I lost part of my family.

Working from home, I spent more time with my cats than, literally, anyone else. Katniss' name was one of the words I said most every day, and now, three weeks later, I still catch myself about to call her name or thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye.

I don't think it's talked about enough how traumatic the death of a pet can be. After all, when it comes to losing an animal family member, there's one thing you don't experience with anyone else – the fact that you're able to decide when they die. You're able to hold them and look into their eyes, knowing they’re about to take their last breath. And I feel like people don’t acknowledge how completely disheartening that whole experience actually is.

For me, I tortured myself, wondering if I made the right decision for Katniss. And, even now, I sometimes wonder – how much longer could I have kept her? Did I cut her time short? Would she still be here right now if I hadn't make that decision?

I know I can’t think that way. Katniss lost about half her body weight in the last year. She had mammary cancer which spread to her lungs and, during her last appointment, the vet thought it had spread to her stomach – which was why, even though she seemed to have a good appetite, she wasn’t gaining any weight.

The vet recommended that we put her down that day, but I decided to wait another 24 hours. For anyone else going through this, I’m not sure what I would suggest. But, for me, I wanted to be able to take the day off work and have time to say good-bye. It was the most difficult 24 hours I’ve ever had – but I also don’t regret it for a second.

Whenever I catch myself wondering if I made the right decision, I remind myself of this advice from pet behavioralist Jackson Galaxy: "Never on their worst day."

Despite everything else, I was able to make sure Katniss' life didn't end on her worst day. She had a pretty good last day, actually, where she ate tortellini with chicken and cream cheese sauce and watched what she wanted on TV — birds and squirrels on YouTube. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but I think it was also the greatest final gift I could've given her —to no longer have to suffer and to not die alone.

Katniss had a peaceful death – passing away while lying on my lap, about 20 seconds after she was injected. And I know the reason it happened so quickly and why she was content instead of scared was because I was there and because, no matter how much I tried to talk myself out of it, she was ready to go.

Dealing with disenfranchised grief

Another reason the death of a pet is so particularly hard is because, as Jackson says in this video, you're experiencing “disenfranchised grief" – a type of grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned.

“You’re afraid (your grief) will be dismissed, it will be devalued, or you’ll be scorned or laughed at,” Jackson says. “If you have lost an animal family member, in our society at large, you have been disenfranchised. You know what that feeling is.”

You don’t get bereavement time off work, and people don’t typically send flowers or hold a memorial service or any of the other things we usually do to honor the end of a life.

“There are millions and millions of people around the world who have lost an animal and have not known what to do with that grief," Jackson says.

It's definitely been hard for me to know what to do with my own grief. I've tried to find the cat-equivalent of "Marley and Me" to help me cope. Or maybe a movie like "John Wick" where an assassin goes on a revenge spree because of a cat. But I couldn't find anything.

Per my husband's suggestion, the only thing that's really helped me get through this time has been Jackson Galaxy's YouTube channel. And one piece of advice he gives in his video Grieving your Cat or Dog is to write it down.

"This is who I lost. This is how I lost them. That's important. Just write it. ... That's called naming and claiming your loss," he says.

So, that's what I'm doing now. Writing it down.

Who I lost

I met Katniss 13 years ago when visiting an animal shelter to help a friend pick out a dog. I was always more of a cat person, so I decided to stop in the cat room when I was there. After sitting down in the middle of the floor, almost immediately Katniss approached me and sat on my lap. And, as I sat there, she would swat away every other cat who dared to come near me.

Volunteers were in awe. They told me that Katniss had been at the shelter longer than any of the other cats and that this was the first time she had ever approached anybody on her own.

Katniss was understandably weary of humans after her previous owners threw her out the back of their car in the driveway of the shelter — with no carrier or anything — and she spent a week lost outside before volunteers could find her. But, for some reason, she wasn't weary around me. Katniss picked me — not the other way around — and even though I hadn't planned on adopting a pet that day, there was no way I could leave without her.

I never had a pet as a child, except for goldfish, so Katniss was my first. For years, it was just the two of us. She was there as I navigated being an adult for the first time after college. She was there for four moves, three jobs, two break-ups, and one marriage.

Even though Katniss was a big cuddler with me, she was pretty anti-social when it came to visitors. She especially hated my ex-boyfriend. Often, when he came over to my apartment, she would spend hours under the bed so she wouldn't have to interact with him. But I will always remember one time when he was over, I had food poisoning, and I was violently throwing up. And, even though he was there, Katniss tentatively ventured out to sit beside me in the bathroom to check in on me.

She always had this intuitive sense for when I needed her most, and she was always there for me, even when it was uncomfortable for her. We were even both diagnosed with anxiety disorder, and, when my mental health was at it's worst, Katniss is what kept me going because I knew she needed me.

How I lost her

Back in May 2024, Katniss and our younger cat, Finn, stopped getting along — even though they had been getting along for the past seven years. Finn had started chasing and pouncing on Katniss, and Katniss had started screaming whenever she saw Finn.

So, we took Katniss to the vet, and after running blood tests, we were told everything was fine. The vet thought the change in our cats' behavior was probably because I was pregnant and this had heightened their protective instincts.

But in October — a month after the birth of our son — the cats' behavior hadn't changed. We had also noticed that Katniss was starting to act lethargic and was losing an abnormal amount of weight. So, we took her to a different vet. That's when we found out that she had an aggressive form of cancer that had likely been present but undetectable when we got her checked out the first time.

The vet gave us the news that any pet parent dreads — that Katniss only had, at most, one month left to live. I was devastated. But, after putting her on steroids and pain medication, she was acting more and more like herself and was even getting along with Finn again.

I thought that maybe it was a miracle. I thought maybe, against all odds, she would survive this. But, even though her appetite had returned, no matter how much she ate, she still wouldn't gain weight. Over the holidays, she also stopped using her litter box, and her spine had started to protrude from her back.

So, on the Tuesday after New Year's Day, we took her back to the vet and found out that her intestines were inflamed, which was a sign that the cancer had spread to her stomach.

I know that, in the end, I'm lucky she lived two months longer than expected — although, right now, I feel anything but lucky. I also know, while right now I never want to feel this way again, it was worth it to have Katniss in my life. It may sound cliché but I know I am better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all – especially when it comes to her.

Now what?

So, now that I've experienced this type of grief, what do I do?

Well, one thing I've done is cry. And I mean cry A LOT. And that's okay. It's okay to let yourself grieve and not to apologize for how you grieve or how long you grieve. As Jackson says, "It’s so absurd to think that, at some point, you just get to the top of grief mountain. ... Don’t get over it. Because that’s just a construct that somebody else put on us."

I also think it's important to memorialize who you lost. I think that's part of the grieving process that's often overlooked when it comes to pets, but it's just as important.

I have one friend who set up a memorial for his cats in his home with their photos, ashes and a statute of St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals. I have another friend who is putting her dog's ashes in a necklace so she can carry her around, wherever she goes. Another friend told me that she has her pet's urn on her nightstand, and she talks to him before she goes to bed at night.

I have also found that it helps to talk about it. Talking about it helps get rid of that feeling of “disenfranchised grief." I'm thankful to have a community of people on social media who reached out to me since Katniss' death — and thankful to my co-workers who even gave me a sympathy card when I came back to the office. Each of you made me feel like my grief was valid.

There are also pet bereavement groups you can join. Click here for pet loss resources in Michigan, or search online for pet bereavement groups near you.

“When a community comes together, when they mourn together, it is so much easier than mourning by yourself. Now, more than ever, this is something I think we all need to get our heads, our hands and our hearts around – for humans, for animals, for all of us," says Jackson.

It's OK to grieve the loss of an animal family member

I've heard other parents try and commandeer the terms "Mom" and "Dad," acting like pet parents don't deserve the...

Whether you believe in God or the Big Bang Theory, we can all agree that reproduction is necessary for the continuation of the human race. But, considering that the fate of humanity depends on procreation, I've realized, since becoming a mom myself, that God or Mother Nature or whoever could've made things a bit easier for us.

For one, why are newborn babies approximately the size of a watermelon when they have to squeeze out of a hole smaller than a lemon? As you can tell, I have some beef with the man (or woman) upstairs who made that engineering decision. Especially after 4.5 hours of pushing out an 8-pound 11-ounce baby.

While I won't get into that, I am going to talk about the problem I have with the changes parents go through, both cognitively and hormonally, after having a child.

Tell me, who thought it would be a good idea to put someone in charge of keeping a new person alive while, at the same time, rapidly dropping their estrogen and progesterone levels and making them more prone to depression? It's like your boss telling you, "Hey, I know I hired you to take on this new job, but I'm not giving you electricity in your office. Best of luck!" Because yeah, sometimes it really does feel like I'm in the dark.

We are not set up for success when we decide to become parents. For me, while I love my son and I love being a new mom, bawling my eyes out about once a day has really put a damper on the whole experience. And then I feel guilty because I know I'm lucky and I should be happy.

But then I remember – it's actually not my fault. For those of you who are new parents who are also feeling depressed, anxious and/or overwhelmed, please know it's not your fault either. It's biology's fault.

So, what can you do if you're feeling this way post-birth?

Seek professional help

First and foremost, as I always say, it's important to reach out to a healthcare professional.

For my husband and me, we started couples therapy a couple weeks ago. While fathers may not go through the same changes as the mother, their lives still go through a huge transformation after the birth of a child. And, like women, men may also experience hormonal changes, gray matter reduction and, of course, sleep deprivation. That's why I think it's important for both the birthing person and their partner to seek support.

Get enough sleep

Speaking of sleep, it's essential to the mental health of new parents to get enough rest —which I know is easier said than done. What I've found helps in these early months is not turning a one person job into a two person job. For instance, when I'm feeding our baby at night, my husband will often want to stay awake with me to keep me company. And I'll tell him, "No, go to sleep! I can handle this! Just return the favor tomorrow!" It only takes one person to feed/change/rock the baby to sleep, so it's important to switch off these duties so you aren't both going without sleep, which doesn't help anybody.

Give yourself grace

Your body won't look like it used to. And your house definitely won't be as clean as it used to be — probably ever again. You'll probably be late to outings more often than not. And you may find yourself struggling to keep up with your social circle. Don't beat yourself up; after all, your whole life just completely changed. Give yourself some grace in figuring things out and finding your new normal.

Make time for yourself and other adults

It's also helpful to make time for fellow adults. During maternity leave, while spending hours upon hours alone with a baby who obviously can't speak English, my brain felt like it was turning into mush. That's why I tried to get out of the house as much as I could, whether it was going to a lactation support group with other moms or just walking a couple laps at the mall with a friend. And, while I dreaded returning to work at first, now I can tell it's helping my mental health to talk with other adults everyday and to feel like my own person again.

While the new title of mommy or daddy is an important one, it's also important to retain your own sense of identity. For me, it can be rough feeling like a milk-making machine, instead of an actual human being, and to always be thinking of someone else's needs over my own. But, as my husband always reminds me, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others with theirs.

Postpartum changes aren't easy for anyone

Whether you believe in God or the Big Bang Theory, we can all agree that reproduction is necessary for the continuation of the h...

There’s a famous saying that goes, “Women become mothers the moment they know they’re pregnant. Men become fathers the moment the child is born.”

But, in our family, it’s been the opposite. My husband became a father the moment he found out I was pregnant. For me, I’m not there yet.

This can be taboo for women to admit – when it shouldn’t be. While many women do fall in love with their unborn babies as soon as they see the two pink lines appear on their pregnancy tests, for others, it doesn’t happen quite that way. And that’s okay; it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you!

For me – someone who struggled with anxiety even when I wasn’t pregnant – I’m constantly nervous that something bad will happen. And that’s made it difficult to get too attached. Before every gynecologist appointment, I prep myself for bad news, which makes it hard to let myself actually get excited about the baby.

Another reason for not feeling that immediate connection is because pregnancy is hard! It can be difficult to feel this outpouring of love for an unborn baby who, obviously at no fault of their own, is causing hormonal changes, nausea, aching joints, lightning crotch, exhaustion and more. For me, sometimes I get so consumed by the here-and-now that I lose sight of what the end result is going to be.

It can also be hard to feel connected with someone you’ve never met before! Even though my baby is inside of me, I don’t actually know him. I don’t know what he looks like or what it feels like to hold him in my arms or when his birthday will be or even what his name will be for sure. So, he still feels like just an abstract idea. I keep having to remind myself, “There’s an actual human growing in my belly!” because, still, seven months into the pregnancy, it doesn’t feel real.

While it’s easy to feel alone in these feelings, know that it’s very normal. Statistics show that at least one in four pregnant women feel little attachment to their unborn child. Some common reasons include physical discomfort; a mood disorder, like depression or anxiety; unplanned pregnancy; previous loss; and/or a fear of the unknown.

In a personal essay for Elle Magazine, former tennis player Serena Williams shared that she, too, struggled to bond with her daughter before she was born.

She wrote, “Throughout my pregnancy, I’d never felt a connection with her. While I loved being pregnant, I didn’t have that amazing Oh my God, this is my baby moment, ever. It’s something people don’t usually talk about, because we’re supposed to be in love from the first second.”

“I kept waiting to feel like I knew her during pregnancy, but the feeling never came. Some of my mom friends told me they didn’t feel the connection in the womb either, which made me feel better, but still, I longed for it.”

Not having this connection may make you nervous about how you’ll feel after the baby is born. But it’s common for parents not to connect with their baby until after the birth or even months later. It’s a process that takes time, but most parents – about 95% according to a study in the Upsala Journal of Medical Sciences – get there within the first six months of a child’s life.

So, stop feeling like there’s a way you should feel during your pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different. Just because you have these feelings before your baby, that has no precedent over the kind of mother you’ll be after the baby is born!

How mood disorders and physical discomfort can affect bond with unborn baby

There’s a famous saying that goes, “Women become mothers the moment they know they’re pregnant. Men become fathers the moment th...

Wow, so the last time I wrote a blog was four months ago – when I talked about doing Dry January! And while everything I wrote was true, I may not have been completely honest.

While I did do Dry January, I’ve also been doing Dry February, March, April and May… because I’m pregnant! And that’s why I’ve taken such a long hiatus. Because, well, pregnancy is a lot harder than I thought it would be!

If I’m being honest, I really didn’t prepare for this at all. I’d always been on the fence about having children of my own. When I saw other people’s babies, I never had that tingle in my ovaries, thinking, “Oh my god! I want one!” Instead, I thought, “Oh, he/she is cute…okay, that’s enough, you can have them back now!”

But, for my husband – just like some people you meet and know they were born to be a singer or a scientist or whatever – I’ve always known that he was born to be a dad someday. Without a doubt, I knew that’s what he was meant to do.

So, being with someone I could actually picture having a child with for the first time, I decided to “take out the goalie” (aka stop taking my birth control) soon after we got married – thinking, “Okay, whatever happens, happens!” Not knowing how my 35-year-old uterus would react, I thought I’d have time to prepare. But that ended up not being the case as, the very next month, I watched as the word “Pregnant” appeared on my plastic test.

Don’t get me wrong, I realize how lucky I am that I didn’t have to struggle. I know for so many people that’s not the case. But, when it happened for me right away, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared AT ALL, and I had not weaned myself off my anxiety medication like I thought I would. So, all of the sudden, I had to cut myself off cold turkey. And, let me tell you, it was rough.

I knew I was supposed to be ecstatic about the news, but instead, I felt so depressed that I, honestly, just wanted to die. Now I know that was because, on top of all the changes going on inside my body, I was also going through withdrawal. And, while it took some time to figure it all out, I found ways I could take care of myself and my mental health while being pregnant.

There are still meds you can take

I found out from my gynecologist that I could keep taking my daily Celexa medication while pregnant. Celexa is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). Certain SSRIs are an option during pregnancy because they aren’t linked to birth defects, and they have been proven to pose the lowest risk to unborn babies compared to other antidepressants. This has helped me continue to regulate my mental health throughout my pregnancy.

Unfortunately, I did learn that the Xanax I was taking is a “Category D drug," meaning it could lead to complications for my baby, such as miscarriage, developmental abnormalities, preterm delivery and dependence on the drug after birth. My gynecologist advised that I stop taking that and also stop taking Trazodone, which I used to help me sleep.

My gyno told me that a good alternative for Trazodone is the over-the-counter drug Unisom, which is considered safe during pregnancy. And, while it took about a month for the Unisom to work – since I was still getting used to being off Trazodone – it has really helped me sleep ever since. If that doesn’t work for you and you need something stronger, other safe options for pregnant women are imipramine or amitriptyline, which can be prescribed to you by a doctor.

Sadly, there isn’t really a safe drug comparable to the fast-acting effects of Xanax. But there was one thing my gynecologist told me that helped me feel a little better. After the first trimester, she said, “You can still take Xanax once a month AT MOST in case of an emergency!” (Note: MAKE SURE to ask your own gynecologist before doing this). I’ve only taken advantage of this advice once since finding out I was pregnant – taking a 10 mg Xanax when I was about to have a full-blown panic attack in the middle of the office. But just knowing it’s there if I need it – even if I don’t actually use it – has felt like a relief and has helped me cope, at least more than I did when I thought it wasn’t an option at all.

Let others support you

I realized that besides, obviously, cutting out medication cold turkey, there was something else that was really harming my mental health during my early pregnancy. And that was keeping it a secret.

While many people choose to wait 12 weeks to tell anyone, I decided to tell my close family and friends earlier than that because I really needed the support. I realized, why am I waiting when, if anything did happen to the baby, these are the people I would tell anyways.

So, if you’re feeling alone and want to tell your mom or your best friend right away, then do it! There’s no rule for when you should start telling people. Let people support you.

I’ve also learned to ask for help. If I don’t feel good, I have no problem asking my husband to take on my fair share of the chores so I can relax. And I take full advantage of the fact that, if I tell my husband I’m craving a milkshake or a Cinnabon, he will rush out to get it for me. I will also always let a friend or a stranger pick up something heavy for me, and, most importantly, I no longer feel guilty if I have to cancel plans last minute. Being pregnant is hard work, and you deserve to take advantage of all of the things that make it even the slightest bit easier.

Remind yourself that your fears are normal

As someone with anxiety disorder, my brain perpetually lives in “worst case scenario” land. Being pregnant, it’s even worse, and I find myself actively trying not to get too attached to the baby because I’m scared something bad will happen.

When my stomach hurts, I freak out that something happened to the baby, and when I don’t hurt at all, I freak out that something happened to the baby. When this fear strikes – and it strikes often – it helps to go into a quiet room, lay down, close my eyes, and put my hand over my stomach. I try to focus on the flutters inside my belly to remind myself, “My baby is okay. He’s in there, and he’s moving right now.”

I also try to remind myself that I’m not alone. While being pregnant may seem isolating, it’s something millions of women do each year and will continue to do until the end of human civilization. These fears I’m having, they’re not uncommon, and most women who are freaking out like I am do end up having healthy babies and healthy deliveries.

Instead of Googling, remind yourself of this fact whenever you’re feeling particularly anxious. Continue to get your regular prenatal checkups and talk with your gyno about your worries. Make sure to ask your doctor about medication alternatives, and talk with a psychiatrist or therapist if you need additional help. Most importantly, know that you are doing the best you can, and you have a whole tribe of other mamas behind you who know what you’re going through.

Pregnancy and Mental Illness: Building a new brain while trying not to lose my own

Wow, so the last time I wrote a blog was four months ago – when I talked about doing Dry January ! And while everything I wrote was true, I ...