Meant to Live: January 2020

Early Sunday morning, there was a fatal wrong-way crash on southbound I-75 near 14 Mile Road in Troy, Mich. Both the 26-year-old Troy man, whose vehicle was hit, and the 34-year-old Detroit woman, who was driving the wrong way on the expressway, were killed in the accident.

I was driving that same part of I-75 about an hour and half before that crash. If I would've stayed at my friend's house a little bit longer before driving home, that could have been me.

I saw a friend's post on social media yesterday: "Leaving your home and getting back safely is such an underrated blessing."

This was in reference to another, more publicized tragedy on Sunday. Around 9:45 a.m. Jan. 26, a helicopter crashed into a hillside in Calabasas, Calif. All nine people on-board were killed — NBA legend Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna; pilot Ara Zobayan; Orange Coast College baseball coach John Altobelli, his wife Keri and youngest daughter Alyssa; Mamba Academy assistant basketball coach Christina Mauser; and Mamba player Payton Chester and her mom Sarah.

Every day, approximately 7,452 people die in the U.S., according to the United Nations World Population Prospects. That's about one person every 12 seconds. While you are probably hoping to die peacefully in bed at an old age, many of those deaths are sudden — suicides, heart attacks, overdoses, fires, falls, and car and plane crashes. And, every day, there are millions more left behind, mourning the death of a loved one.

As actress Keshia Knight Pulliam said, "Hearing the news about Kobe Bryant's death completely broke my heart. Not because we lost a champion, which he definitely will always be, but because his family lost a husband, father and son. We often use phrases like, 'Tomorrow is not promised.' For real it is NOT."

The tragedies over the weekend — the car accident near me, the helicopter crash in California and all
the other deaths around the world — remind us of how fragile and fleeting life really is. All the little setbacks that we let ruin our days and all of the stupid arguments we get into with the people we love — it all seems so pointless when we think about the bigger picture.

Sure, if I think too hard about it, it makes me want to get all my food delivered to my doorstep so I never have to leave my house, drive or take any risks. But that's definitely not what I'm suggesting!

What I am suggesting is that you stop taking life for granted because it's not something you'll have forever. Take chances. Travel. Quit a job if you hate it. Cut out people who treat you badly and make you feel like crap about yourself. Say "I love you" to the one you love, even if you've never said it to them before. Tell those you care about how much they mean to you. And live a big, Kobe Bryant-sized life.

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I was 11 years old when Star Wars Episode 1: Phantom Menace came out. I didn't grow up a Star Wars kid, not seeing the original three films yet. But I remember, there was one reason I finally wanted to see a Star Wars movie — Jar Jar Binks.

I loved how awkward he was considering, as a pre-teen, I was the epitome of awkward (although, who are we kidding, that hasn't changed much). The character made me laugh, and his voice made me smile. So, I was disappointed when I found out that almost everyone hated the character who was my favorite. And actor Ahmed Best was more than disappointed with the public's reaction to his character. He was devastated.

Picture this - you get a role in Star Wars - freakin' Star Wars - your first ever role in a film! You're ecstatic! And then, after the film is released, nobody likes your character. Ahmed took the insults to heart, as if people weren't just making fun of Jar Jar but, instead, were making fun of him.

“I never thought it was a possibility to be in that movie. … I was a 24-year-old young actor, looking at my career and my future. (I thought), ‘Here we go. This is going to open the doors to so many different opportunities,’” Ahmed said in a video by SoulPancake.

“Then the movie came out. And there was just so much hate and venom and anger, directed at me. And I took it personally. … I put a lot of me into that work.”

Ahmed got online death threats, was told he ruined people's childhoods and was called "every racial stereotype you can imagine." Without an agent, Ahmed said he had no idea how to react or how to respond.

"I felt tired of having to defend myself and my work. … I just wanted to play a part,” he said.

One day, Ahmed went to the Brooklyn Bridge, stood at the edge and seriously considered jumping.

"A gust of wind came by, and it was really strong. It knocked me off balance. I caught myself, and that’s when I woke up. … Something in my consciousness said, ‘You have to make it to tomorrow.'"

And he continued to make it through every day that followed.

Life has gotten better for Ahmed, who is married, has a 10-year-old son and is set to be the host of Disney Plus' Star Wars game show later this year. A lot has happened that never would have if he chose to end his life. And now, at age 46, about 20 years after the darkest moment of his life, Ahmed has decided to open up on social media about his battle with depression.

"I never really thought anybody cared. ... But (then), people were calling me and talking about it, (giving) support that I never thought was there," he said.

"I'm glad I shared this moment because, the responses that I got back were from people who shared a similar moment who are all here now. We made it through the next day. I can get through 20 more years of next days."

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I'm a paranoid person. It's something I try to hide, but it's true.

Paranoia is the constant feeling that people are watching you or acting against you, even though there's no proof it's actually happening.

I've always been insecure but this paranoia has developed over the last year or so. It started after a co-worker at my last job, who I thought was my friend, started gossiping about me to literally everyone we worked with. As you can imagine, for someone who already has anxiety disorder and, considering anxiety can cause paranoia, this experience messed me up pretty good.

Now, every time I hear co-workers whisper, I assume it's about me. Every time I go to the bathroom when I'm out with friends, I assume they're talking bad about me. Every time I meet a new person, I assume they think I'm annoying. Every time someone gets quiet when they're around me, I assume they're mad at me. And every time someone deletes me on social media, I assume I must have done something wrong.

It's an exhausting life, and it has made me the epitome of a people pleaser (even more so than I used to be, which I didn't think was possible). I'm the kind of girl who never says "No," and tries to always listen to other people instead of ever talking about myself.

And guess what? Even after burning myself out trying to get everyone to like me, there are still people who don't like me and never will. And, instead of thinking, "Psh their loss," I think, "What did I do? What's wrong with me?"

As 2020 kicks off, I know I can't handle being like this for another year. So, if you're like me, what can you do to stop being so paranoid?

First things first: Do you just have paranoid thoughts or do you have clinical paranoia?

While paranoid thoughts are much more common, clinical paranoia is a rare condition. Some symptoms of clinical paranoia include:

● You don’t actually think you’re paranoid.
● No amount of evidence will convince you otherwise.
● You can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined.
● The paranoia isn't linked to anxiety.
● It isn’t situational, but instead has no obvious cause.
● It never seems to get better or go away.

If you think you may have clinical paranoia, if you know someone who you’re worried has it, or if your paranoid thoughts are affecting your everyday life, talk to a mental health professional NOW. I’m sorry but I can’t give you tips on how to get rid of it because it’s a mental illness. This isn’t something you can wish away or work on getting rid of by yourself. It’s a medical issue, and you need medical help to treat it.

Now, for paranoid thoughts spurred by anxiety (like mine), there are tips for stopping this paranoia from controlling you.

Tasha Rube, LMSW licensed master social worker, says, “Give yourself a designated worry time” where you evaluate your thoughts, try to minimize them and then move on.

Some other tips for helping limit paranoid thoughts, according to Rube and WebMD, are:

● Limit alcohol and marijuana use, as they can heighten paranoid thoughts.
● Support your entire mental well-being by eating healthy, exercising and getting enough sleep.
● When you find yourself thinking a paranoid thought, remind yourself, “This is highly unlikely to be true.”
● Think about the optimistic outcomes or reasons for a situation, rather than just the pessimistic. (i.e.: That girl didn’t delete me on social media because she hates me. She deleted me because we haven’t talked in five years.)
● Open up to someone close to you about your paranoid thoughts. (Or, if you're like me, open up about it on your blog or social media for everyone to see!)
● Stay busy and focus your energy on something more productive than being paranoid.

And, remember, even if someone doesn’t like you because of their subjective opinion of you, who cares? That doesn’t mean what they think is true.

“Remind yourself that it takes all kinds of people to make the world. Not everyone is going to be your best friend, but that also doesn't mean everyone wants to be your worst enemy,” says Rube.

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