Meant to Live: May 2018

Is depression a turn-on for some people?

A couple months ago, I went to a comedy show featuring actress Rachel Bloom, star of the CW show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend," and on...

"FEENY! FEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-NAY!"

Okay, phew, now that I got that out my system, let's talk about the man behind the famous Feeny call —Will Friedle, who played Eric Matthews in my favorite 90's show "Boy Meets World."

So, Will is currently in the same state at me! *cue me reverting back 20 years and screaming like a teeny bopper*

He is in Michigan right now for the Motor City Comic Con. But, upon further research, I discovered that Will is not only in the same physical state as me, but we also have the same "state of mind." (Did ya like that play on words? I thought it was clever.)

I looked up his Twitter last night to see what he had to say about his visit to our great state, and couldn't help but notice how he describes himself in his Twitter bio: "Actor (with my voice and sometimes my face), Writer, Panic-Attacker, Proffessionull Speller and Inventor of the Harpsichord (that last one was just a lie)."

Panic-Attacker. He describes himself as a Panic-Attacker! My first reaction was, "Omg!! He has panic attacks like me!! We're both part of the 'Panic Attack Club!'" And, yes, I know, it's weird for me to get this excited about someone having panic attacks. But something about the fact that he is so unabashedly unashamed of it that he uses it as a descriptor in his Twitter bio, it just made me so happy! And now I have a new word that I can use to describe myself too, a "Panic-Attacker" (thank you, Will).

Last fall, he tweeted this to his followers:

Hi, my name is Will Friedle and I have dealt with an anxiety disorder for over 20 years. #WorldMentalHealthDay #TalkAboutIt
— Will Friedle (@willfriedle) October 10, 2017

A month later, he opened up to celebrity news website 9TheFix about his anxiety, "When I was about 23 or 24 I got hit with an anxiety disorder pretty badly. It was one of those things that changed the course of my life, and in a lot of ways, it changed it for the better."

I wish we were all so unashamed of our mental disorders that, to us, it was just another word to describe us. Like, "I’m female. I'm caucasian, I'm brunette, I have brown eyes, I'm straight, I'm unmarried...and, oh yeah, I'm a panic-attacker!"

Thank you, Will, for talking about your anxiety disorder and for showing people, like me, that we're not alone and that we shouldn't be ashamed. Maybe we should even wear it across our chests (or on our social media pages) with pride.

'Boy Meets World' star Will Friedle describes himself as a 'Panic-Attacker'

"FEENY! FEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-NAY!" Okay, phew, now that I got that out my system, let's talk about the man behind the fa...

A couple weekends ago, my boyfriend woke up on Sunday morning with a temperature of almost 102. I took him to urgent care, where he found out he had strep throat.

In the little over a year that we've been dating, he really hasn't been sick once. Me, on the other hand, I felt like I had a stuffy nose or sore throat every few weeks this winter. But, for him, it was like all the colds I had throughout the year joined together and hit him all at once.

I had never seen him so bad. His whole body was sore, and he could barely even sit up on the couch without hurting. His voice was hoarse, he was kind of loopy, and his fingertips were so cold that they turned blue.

Can you remember a time when you felt this sick? While you're in it, you forget what it's like to feel healthy. It feels like the sickness is never going to end. And then, finally, when you feel better, you think, "Oh my god! This is what it's like to breathe again!" Usually, you take breathing for granted — until you feel sick and, at least for a little while, you promise to never again take for granted the simple joy of breathing without a nose full of snot.

This is what depression has felt like for me.

With depression, I forgot what it was like to feel happy. I forgot what it felt like to be able to breathe. And it felt like it was going to last forever.

No matter how many people claim to understand mental illness, many people still think mental and physical illnesses are different. But the thing is —they're really not. If anything, mental illness is worse (sorry, babe, not to diminish what you went through) because, while strep throat usually lasts three to seven days, without treatment, depression can last months or even years.

When you're sick, you don't tell yourself, "Nose, stop being stuffed up!" That obviously won't magically cure you. It's the same when you're depressed. You can't tell yourself, "Brain, stop being depressed! Start being happy!" Yet, still, I found myself trying to force myself to be happy and, when it didn't work, I felt frustrated and even more depressed.

You don't mentally berate yourself when you're sick. You don't tell yourself, "Stop it! You're so weak! Why do you feel like this? Just snap out of it!" You accept that you're sick, you seek treatment, and you rest until you feel better. We need to start treating mental illness in others and, more importantly, in ourselves, the same way.

Depression is the same as any other illness

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So, I kind of feel like I know actress Lucy Hale now, even though I met her for a grand total of 10 seconds in March. I went to the South by Southwest Conference in Austin, Tx. for work and, one of the nights, I attended an after party hosted by Bumble. And then I noticed her — standing in line at the bar.

Yeah, I know, I know, she was minding her own business, just wanting her Tito's and lemonade. And, of course, I had to be the one obnoxious girl who went over, tapped her on the shoulder, and asked for a picture.

But...I digress.

This story has a point, I promise. So...since I posted a picture with her on my Instagram and since social media creepily pays attention to everything we do, Instragram now highlights her stuff under "Things you may like." And one of her posts that recently popped up was particularly inspiring.

Last month, Lucy, who currently stars in the CW show Life Sentence, went on a trip by herself to Arizona. She wrote on her Instagram, "I spent my days hiking, meditating, and spending time with myself. I’ve never done this before because I used to feel that putting myself first was selfish. It’s not. Not only is it healthy, but it’s necessary so that you can be the best for everyone else around you."

"This trip was a beautiful reminder that my health and happiness are crucial to the life I want to live and in order to be the best for my career and my loved ones, it’s necessary to do really nice things for yourself. SO, I highly recommend treating your mind, body and spirit right (and taking a solo getaway)."

First of all, kudos to Lucy for taking time away by herself!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 The only time I've ever traveled by myself has been for work, and that's been nerve-wracking enough.

Many of us don't spend an adequate amount of time with ourselves — actually enjoying our own company. Many of us are scared to be alone. And many of us spend so much time constantly being busy and constantly being around other people that we hardly even know ourselves at all.

That's one thing I've realized about myself lately. One of the triggers for my depression, I think, is the fact that I don't let myself process my feelings. Most days are spent either going out for drinks with friends, working late or going to bed early — because I'm scared to be alone and actually spend quality time with just me. And, in doing so, I feel like I've lost some of myself. I've spent so much time trying to be what other people expect me to be or trying to make others happy that I don't even know who I am or what I actually want anymore.

You are the only person in your life who, no matter what, will always be there. Yet, many times, our relationships with ourselves is put on the back burner. It shouldn't be like that. Like Lucy said, giving yourself "me" time isn't selfish. Instead, it's necessary for your health. Whether it's going on a solo trip or spending time meditating in the middle of the living room floor, I vow to take more time for myself and actually learn how to enjoy my own company. I vow to stop pouring from an empty cup and, instead, allow myself to be replenished.