This Thanksgiving, I challenge you not to think of your misfortunes or the things you wish you had. Too often, we concentrate on the things ...
I believe that independence is the key to happiness. Independence is a basic human need.
Independence is, what I feel, is one of the most admirable traits a person can have. And, when others describe me as an independent woman, I think this is one of the greatest compliments I have received.
Darlene Lancer, author on Psych Central, describes autonomy as, being able to "govern your own life and that you endorse your actions."
"Your actions are determined by your beliefs, needs, and values, which give you more control over thoughts and emotions," she wrote.
Darlene Lancer, author on Psych Central, describes autonomy as, being able to "govern your own life and that you endorse your actions."
"Your actions are determined by your beliefs, needs, and values, which give you more control over thoughts and emotions," she wrote.
But, although I have my own apartment and make my own money, independence is something I have, honestly, always found difficult. As a self-prescribed people pleaser, it is extremely difficult for me not to base my self worth on other's opinions of me. I am definitely a very emotional person. And when I love, I love with my entire heart. This leaves me vulnerable and exposed — more likely to be hurt.
I think independence is a quality you can have whether you're single or not, living alone or with family. Independence is more of a state of mind than anything.
As John Grohol, Psy. D, says on Psych Central, "A healthy relationship actually fosters and encourages each other’s independent self."
Because putting all of your faith in another person to make you happy isn't realistic. I know all too well that people will let you down. The only way for you to be truly happy is to rely on the only person you can control — yourself. To know that no matter what happens, you are a strong person who can make it through.
One way to declare your own destiny is not to let others bring you down. I know this is easier said than done. But there are some people in this world, like a little kid killing bugs with a magnifying glass, who like to hurt others for no reason at all. And this does not mean anything is wrong with you.
For instance, a stranger went up to my friend Megan yesterday. Her hair is dyed a beautiful bright red — and this inconsiderate and judgmental stranger said to her that she should not go out in public with hair looking like that. Does this mean there is anything wrong with my friend? Absolutely not. I can tell you that the person saying this to her could use some self-examination. She's the one who has so little confidence in herself that she needs to put others down.
Also know that even those who care most about you and those you care most about will say things that hurt you. Just like you will probably say things to hurt them. People are not perfect. Don't let it fester inside of you. Don't let it define you.
I believe that independence is the key to happiness. Independence is a basic human need. Independence is, what I feel, is one of ...
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| The Macomb Daily/RAY J. SKOWRONEK |
But, when you are feeling worthless, it's hard to convince yourself that these thoughts are unrealistic and illogical — a product of your depression. And whenever someone tries to convince you otherwise, you think they are lying to you.
Many people describe those who commit suicide as "selfish." But this is just not true. Most people who take their own lives are not in their right mind at the time. They think no one will miss them, and may even think that the world would be better off without them. The last thing on their minds is how their death really would affect those who love them. Because, at that moment, they think no one loves them.
I'm sure this is what 21-year-old Brenda Tucker of Eastpointe was feeling when she shot herself while at a Detroit bar at the end of October. She never could have foretold how her death would lead to a domino affect of tragedy.
Her brother Ricky raced to the hospital to be with his sister, not knowing that she was pronounced dead on arrival. The Macomb Daily reports that, while driving to the hospital, he crossed over the center line in the road and crashed into an SUV. He died on the way to the hospital.
In one day, Rose Tucker heard two things a mother should never have to hear. Two of her three children were dead. She told The Macomb Daily, “I lost my heart and my soul right there, in the hospital.”
Brenda probably thought her death wouldn't affect others. She probably didn't think anyone would miss her. Oh, how wrong she was.
Her brother was so worried about his sister that he put his own life on the line as he rushed to be with her. And their mother's life will now never be the same. Ever major life event, ever holiday will never be as happy as it once was without her two children there to enjoy them. Her life will always feel like something is missing. And nobody and nothing will ever completely be able to fill that space, no matter how much time passes.
Whenever you are depressed, consider this. If you die, this will directly affect the life of someone else.
Your death could end the life of another — whether it's by rushing to help you like this brother or causing those you care about to consider suicide as well. But even if your death doesn't cause the death of others, trust me, it will make others lives a lot worse. Not better, like you may think. Not at all.
Times when I'm feeling down on myself, when I think I'm worthless or I think negatively about the future, I have learned to think to myself, "You're being unrealistic. This is not real. Your brain is being your worst enemy. You would never think this about other people, so why the heck are you thinking this way about yourself? And you don't know what the future will hold, so stop trying to predict it!"
I think realizing these thought are unrealistic and realizing that, even if you don't believe it, people do actually care about you is the first step in saving your life.
Imagine getting a phone that the person you care about and love most in the world has just died. This is the same way those who love you will feel if this happened to you.
Remember this every time you think the world would be a better place without you.
The Macomb Daily/RAY J. SKOWRONEK A recent study shows that more than 80 percent of depressed people express self-dislike and see thems...
