There are many stereotypes about mental illness — like wrongly thinking that someone is able to just "get over it." But, like phy...
I don't know about you, but one rumor I have heard of is that birth control can cause mood disorders. Which, to me, is a big side effect.
And it made me wonder — do women have to choose between not having children…and being happy?
So I decided to do some research on this. Does birth control really cause depression?
According to the latest research, the answer is no.
American Journal of Epidemiology looked at birth control use and depressive symptoms in 6,654 sexually active women between the ages of 24 and 34 from 1994 to 2008. And Women's Health Magazine reports that those taking hormonal contraception had lower levels of depressive symptoms and were less likely to report a suicide in the past year.
Dr. Katherine Keyes, lead study author, told Reuters, “This counters somewhat some of the prevailing wisdom that hormone contraceptive use in general is associated with adverse mental health outcomes in women. When you look at it on a national scale, certainly there’s no evidence that at a population level hormonal contraceptive use is associated with an increased risk of mood problems.”
But although Keys says that birth control doesn't cause thoughts of suicide — she doesn't deny that a side effect of birth control could be mood swings — which she says is a lot different than depression.
I know some women who say that, when they started taking a new birth control, they would start crying out of the blue, for no reason. To me, this makes sense. After all, changing the levels of estrogen and progestin in your body is bound to have more effects than just on your reproductive organs.
Birth control is one of the most commonly used prescription drugs — taken by more than 10 million women across the nation. It's used t...
I think this is one desire that most people in the world share.
Yes, to be loved, but, I think even more than that, is to be accepted -- just as you are.
We all have our weird quirks. I know that I have many, which probably couldn't even be counted on all my fingers and all my toes.
But one thing I have learned is that, although it is wonderful to have others accept you as you are, it is probably even more important to learn to accept yourself -- just as you are.
How can we expect others to accept us as we are if we don't do it ourselves? Instead, be proud of these quirks. They make you who you are. They make you unique. Stop trying to change the person you are and stop being ashamed.
Louise Watson wrote on the website tinybuddha.com, "It seems whatever personality you’ve got, you’re always going to be 'too much' of something for someone. ... When you learn to accept yourself, you’re likely to find that others will accept you too. But if they don’t, it really doesn’t matter."
In my favorite scene of the movie "Bridget Jones Diary," the character Mark Darcy tells her, "I like you very much. Just as...
The people sitting at a desk with their headsets on, taking a deep breath every time the phone rings, have one of the most important jobs.
They are the staff and volunteers for suicide-prevention call centers. Their voices could literally mean the difference between life and death. To me, they are just as brave as police officers and firefighters. I believe they are nothing short of heroes.
These employees and volunteers help people who need referrals of psychiatrists and counselors to treat their mental illnesses— trying to prevent them from becoming suicidal in the first place. The volunteers also help those who are on the edge of a bridge, ready to jump.
An article in last week's Time magazine followed the operators at the 24/7 LifeNet hotline in New York City, which is part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And these volunteers are not just twiddling their thumbs, waiting for the phone to ring. According to the Time magazine article, the National Suicide Prevention line is expected to receive 1.2 million calls this year. That's more than 3,000 calls a day! And each year the number of calls rise by about 15 percent.
Founding Director John Draper, PhD, told Time, "If your calls are increasing, does that mean more people are in distress? … That's not necessarily true. It means more people may have been in distress all along but didn't know this resource was there."
I think for many people who are suffering from depression, just having someone to talk to can be life saving. Someone who won't turn them away. Someone who won't ever tell them, "Just get over it." I know a man who said he was considering suicide. And when he was about to do it, a friend called him. She told him, for some reason, she felt like she needed to call him and that he needed her.
That one call saved his life.
But some people aren't that lucky to have someone call when they need it most. I think it is comforting to know though that there are people out there who are there when you need them most — waiting for your call and waiting to help you. You don't even know them but they care about you enough to want, more than anything, to save your life.
If you are considering suicide or are looking for help, call 1-800-273-TALK and you will be routed to the call center closest to you.
The people sitting at a desk with their headsets on, taking a deep breath every time the phone rings, have one of the most important jobs....
This Thanksgiving, I challenge you not to think of your misfortunes or the things you wish you had. Too often, we concentrate on the things we can't change instead of just enjoying life.
Although I think this is something people should get into a habit of doing everyday, please, just for me, at least do it today.
Be thankful for things like the people you love, sunsets, clean water, a bathroom in your home and that your life isn't like an episode of "American Horror Story."
Here are some reasons people in the social media-verse feel thankful — including bacon, coffee and, my personal favorite — cats.
Although I think this is something people should get into a habit of doing everyday, please, just for me, at least do it today.
Be thankful for things like the people you love, sunsets, clean water, a bathroom in your home and that your life isn't like an episode of "American Horror Story."
Here are some reasons people in the social media-verse feel thankful — including bacon, coffee and, my personal favorite — cats.
This Thanksgiving, I challenge you not to think of your misfortunes or the things you wish you had. Too often, we concentrate on the things ...
I believe that independence is the key to happiness. Independence is a basic human need.
Independence is, what I feel, is one of the most admirable traits a person can have. And, when others describe me as an independent woman, I think this is one of the greatest compliments I have received.
Darlene Lancer, author on Psych Central, describes autonomy as, being able to "govern your own life and that you endorse your actions."
"Your actions are determined by your beliefs, needs, and values, which give you more control over thoughts and emotions," she wrote.
Darlene Lancer, author on Psych Central, describes autonomy as, being able to "govern your own life and that you endorse your actions."
"Your actions are determined by your beliefs, needs, and values, which give you more control over thoughts and emotions," she wrote.
But, although I have my own apartment and make my own money, independence is something I have, honestly, always found difficult. As a self-prescribed people pleaser, it is extremely difficult for me not to base my self worth on other's opinions of me. I am definitely a very emotional person. And when I love, I love with my entire heart. This leaves me vulnerable and exposed — more likely to be hurt.
I think independence is a quality you can have whether you're single or not, living alone or with family. Independence is more of a state of mind than anything.
As John Grohol, Psy. D, says on Psych Central, "A healthy relationship actually fosters and encourages each other’s independent self."
Because putting all of your faith in another person to make you happy isn't realistic. I know all too well that people will let you down. The only way for you to be truly happy is to rely on the only person you can control — yourself. To know that no matter what happens, you are a strong person who can make it through.
One way to declare your own destiny is not to let others bring you down. I know this is easier said than done. But there are some people in this world, like a little kid killing bugs with a magnifying glass, who like to hurt others for no reason at all. And this does not mean anything is wrong with you.
For instance, a stranger went up to my friend Megan yesterday. Her hair is dyed a beautiful bright red — and this inconsiderate and judgmental stranger said to her that she should not go out in public with hair looking like that. Does this mean there is anything wrong with my friend? Absolutely not. I can tell you that the person saying this to her could use some self-examination. She's the one who has so little confidence in herself that she needs to put others down.
Also know that even those who care most about you and those you care most about will say things that hurt you. Just like you will probably say things to hurt them. People are not perfect. Don't let it fester inside of you. Don't let it define you.
I believe that independence is the key to happiness. Independence is a basic human need. Independence is, what I feel, is one of ...
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| The Macomb Daily/RAY J. SKOWRONEK |
But, when you are feeling worthless, it's hard to convince yourself that these thoughts are unrealistic and illogical — a product of your depression. And whenever someone tries to convince you otherwise, you think they are lying to you.
Many people describe those who commit suicide as "selfish." But this is just not true. Most people who take their own lives are not in their right mind at the time. They think no one will miss them, and may even think that the world would be better off without them. The last thing on their minds is how their death really would affect those who love them. Because, at that moment, they think no one loves them.
I'm sure this is what 21-year-old Brenda Tucker of Eastpointe was feeling when she shot herself while at a Detroit bar at the end of October. She never could have foretold how her death would lead to a domino affect of tragedy.
Her brother Ricky raced to the hospital to be with his sister, not knowing that she was pronounced dead on arrival. The Macomb Daily reports that, while driving to the hospital, he crossed over the center line in the road and crashed into an SUV. He died on the way to the hospital.
In one day, Rose Tucker heard two things a mother should never have to hear. Two of her three children were dead. She told The Macomb Daily, “I lost my heart and my soul right there, in the hospital.”
Brenda probably thought her death wouldn't affect others. She probably didn't think anyone would miss her. Oh, how wrong she was.
Her brother was so worried about his sister that he put his own life on the line as he rushed to be with her. And their mother's life will now never be the same. Ever major life event, ever holiday will never be as happy as it once was without her two children there to enjoy them. Her life will always feel like something is missing. And nobody and nothing will ever completely be able to fill that space, no matter how much time passes.
Whenever you are depressed, consider this. If you die, this will directly affect the life of someone else.
Your death could end the life of another — whether it's by rushing to help you like this brother or causing those you care about to consider suicide as well. But even if your death doesn't cause the death of others, trust me, it will make others lives a lot worse. Not better, like you may think. Not at all.
Times when I'm feeling down on myself, when I think I'm worthless or I think negatively about the future, I have learned to think to myself, "You're being unrealistic. This is not real. Your brain is being your worst enemy. You would never think this about other people, so why the heck are you thinking this way about yourself? And you don't know what the future will hold, so stop trying to predict it!"
I think realizing these thought are unrealistic and realizing that, even if you don't believe it, people do actually care about you is the first step in saving your life.
Imagine getting a phone that the person you care about and love most in the world has just died. This is the same way those who love you will feel if this happened to you.
Remember this every time you think the world would be a better place without you.
The Macomb Daily/RAY J. SKOWRONEK A recent study shows that more than 80 percent of depressed people express self-dislike and see thems...
For me, I'm being my favorite red-haired character -- Ariel from "The Little Mermaid," of course, complete with the green fins and purple shells.
This year, Miley Cyrus, in her barely-there teddy bear outfit from the MTV Video Music Awards, is the most popular costume.
But for some people, every day they wish they were somebody else. They see others' lives as "better" than their own and wish their lives were more like that.
It's easy to say, "Just be yourself. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of time." But for someone who's in an abusive relationship, someone who can't afford basic neccessities such as food, someone who is constantly bullied, or someone who has never felt loved, it's easy to be envious of those who don't have to go through these things.
If you lost your job, how do you keep from wishing you were, instead, the neighbor down the street who owns a mansion?
But know that even those who seemingly have everything also spend much of their time comparing themselves to others. Even they, at times, wish they were someone else.
As perfect as a life may seem on the outside, we don't know what their life is like behind closed doors. Why else would so many models, who we all see as beautiful, be anorexic? Why else would so many celebrities, who we envy, be addicted to alcohol or drugs? Their lives are obviously not perfect.
I've always liked this quote by author Regina Brett: "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back."
Others may read that quote, roll their eyes and think, "I would gladly take other people's problems over my own."
But life is not always fair. Those who deserve a million dollars may be broke and those who are corrupt may have money coming out the wazoo. Those who are kind on the inside may hate the way they look on the outside while someone considered "beautiful" is a selfish and cruel person on the inside. And someone who treats everyone with kindness may be in a relationship with an abusive man or woman who treats him or her with anything but respect. While, at the same time, a cheater may be in a relationship with an unsuspecting partner who treats him or her like a king or queen.
We don't have a magic genie in a lamp where we can *poof* magically become someone else — even if you do dress up like Aladdin this Halloween. And if you keep envying others and keep constantly wishing for another's life, this will just hurt you even more in the long run.
Instead, like the website Smart Fem suggests, work each day on becoming the best you can be. Work toward your own goals instead of wishing you had someone else's life. Run away from an abusive relationship instead of being envious of someone else's love life. And join a group or an extracurricular activity to meet friends, instead of being jealous of those who are "popular.
When you look at someone else's live and feel yourself becoming the green-eyed monster, stop and think, "Why does it matter what their life is like? They're not me." Focus on the here and now and, every day, count your blessings instead of focusing on what you feel like your life is lacking.
Halloween is one day each year where you can pretend to be someone you're not. For me, I'm being my favorite red-haired characte...
This site brings resources and services to help parents, schools, students and the community.
"An estimated 160,000 students stay out of school every day in the U.S. because they are afraid of being bullied. That's why this new resource is so critical", said Tracy Hjorth, a youth director at Orchard Grove Community church in Walled Lake.
In addition, questions can be directed to healthcare professionals whose expertise and skill is in working directly with bullies, victims of bullying, families, interventions and guidance on how to address these issues.
While this grass-roots effort began last March with an Oakland County focus, the website has both local and national resources, all aimed at building environments where bullying is not tolerated.
"I am very happy our community now has this all-inclusive site focused on supporting students, parents and schools", said Denise Finnerty, former high school teacher and business owner.
For more information, visit communityantibully.com.
October is National Anti-Bullying Month, and a consortium of health care workers, business professionals, social workers and youth minist...
When we accomplish something or something good happens to us, we like to talk about it. After working hard to achieve a goal or having a dream come true, it doesn't feel real until we tell those closest to us about it. It's human nature to want to be recognized for what we do.
And there's nothing wrong with this.
But when does this start turning into "bragging?"
I don't know about you, but I never want to cross over that line — when, instead of being happy for me, my friends start to roll their eyes whenever I speak. (Side note: If this ever happens, I give you permission to slap me)
Just this week, much media attention has been given to one woman, creating an Internet firestorm for doing just this — some even accusing her of using her bragging to bully others.
Just this week, much media attention has been given to one woman, creating an Internet firestorm for doing just this — some even accusing her of using her bragging to bully others.
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| Maria Kang was criticized for "bragging" in her Facebook photo |
Fitness enthusiast Maria Kang posted a photo of herself, surrounded by her three sons — all age three or younger. In the photo, she shows off her toned tummy with the words, "What's your excuse?"
While some have called her inspiring, others find the photo insulting and that it suggests that all women can look like her if they work hard enough. Some people say that real moms do not look like this and that Kang is contributing to women who feel badly about themselves for not looking a certain way.
I personally wouldn't call Kang a "bully," although I do consider this a form of bragging. Let's apply this to real life. If you constantly talk about how skinny you are around friends who weigh more than you do, let's just say they probably won't be your friends for much longer.
When what you are saying about yourself is in turn making others feel badly about themselves, I think that's when it crosses the line into "bragging." And, as soon as you stop listening to others and only want to talk about yourself, then you've definitely taken a few steps across that imaginary line. As soon as you stop caring about others' good news, this is when people will stop caring about yours. And, when you only compliment yourself and never compliment others, people will stop complimenting you.
She writes that it is healthy to give yourself a mental pat on the back. Being confident and proud of your accomplishments helps prevent depression.
"You don’t have to hide your light completely under a bushel," said Whitbourne.
But she added that it's considered a social norm for people to be modest.
I must say this — not all people who brag actually feel this way about themselves. Sometimes people brag because of the exact opposite — that they feel so bad about themselves that they brag in hopes others will validate them.
But this could have the exact opposite effect.
Whitbourne considers the worse form of bragging to be directly drawing attention to your own great personal qualities. I do admit to jokingly saying, "I'm so awesome." But when you, in all seriousness, call yourself amazing, smart, well-liked, talented, etc., you run the risk of others thinking to themselves, "Says who?" And when you distort a situation to make yourself look better, people's trust for you will probably go out the proverbial window.
It's sad that being self deprecating is more acceptable than praising yourself. But I think it's because some forms of bragging can cause others to be even more self deprecating. To me, I think the most important thing to keep in mind is to make sure relationships are a give and take. Be there for others, compliment them and listen to what they have to say (after all, that's how you have a conversation) — and, trust me, you will be surprised at how you are then treated in return. A lot better than if you only do all those things for yourself.
As Whitbourne said, "No one will ever fault you for being happy about the result of successful effort on your part. By not bragging, you’ll also guarantee that they’ll be even more likely to root for your continued successes the next time."
When we accomplish something or something good happens to us, we like to talk about it. After working hard to achieve a goal or having a dr...
I won't give her name out of respect to her family and friends.
I didn't know her very well. But I did talk to her on the phone a few times, and she attended a couple of the blog workshops I hosted. And, all day, all I've been able to picture is her face. And how alone she must have felt in that moment when she decided to pull the trigger.
As soon as I found out, I immediately looked at her blog to see if there were any signs she was contemplating suicide. Her last post was a couple days before she died and looked like it was copied and pasted from a press release.
This is the last thing she will ever put out into the world.
And it makes me feel sick. It was not her time to go.
I wish I could have told her how talented of a writer she was. I wish I could have told her how much she helped others by the words she wrote.
But I will never be able to tell her those things. No one ever will.
I'm sure it didn't cross her mind that this would affect people she barely knew. And just think, if this devastated me — an acquaintance, I cannot even imagine what those close to her are feeling.
I read this on a self-harm support community website, "There are other ways out. I know sometimes the struggle is very, very hard. But it's not worth giving up on life. Life is all we have, life is everything. Its the beautiful moments, and the sad ones. Please, don't give up on all those around you. You can make it through."
I wish she would have known this.
Today, I found out that a woman who blogged with The Oakland Press died from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, accordi...
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| Getty Images |
Do you remember on Christmas Eve, when you could barely sleep at night because you were so excited for Santa to come?
As you got older, do you remember being excited to pick out your first homecoming or prom dress? Do you remember counting down the days until the dance?
I have always been the kind of person who was easily excited about things, even as I went into college. Whether it was a Halloween party or the premiere of a movie I wanted to see. I would look forward to things for weeks.
But is there an age where this changes? Where you no longer get excited about things?
I remember asking older family members, "Are you excited for such and such?" And they would look at me like they had forgotten what the word "Excited" meant.
And I was always scared of losing that childlike wonder and joy about even the smallest of things.
I think that maybe it's because, as you get older, you know about disappointment. You find out that things don't always go the way you plan. And so in order to prevent yourself from being disappointed, you try not to get excited. You try not to look forward to things.
I've noticed myself getting more and more like this. With things I used to get excited about, instead, I can feel myself pretending that it won't happen. In my mind, if it doesn't end up happening, I won't be as disappointed because I expected it. And, if it does end up happening, I will be pleasantly surprised.
But this kind of feels like a numb existence — living each day expecting to get disappointed. Excitement is what gets you through the daily routine. After all, if you're excited about what the next day will bring, you will keep on living. You won't give up.
Sure, you may get disappointed. But life is an adventure. You never know what will happen tomorrow or the day after that. I think that's pretty exciting, don't you?
And, instead of relying on others to make your life exciting, rely on yourself. You are the only person you know will always be there, no matter what. So make your own life exciting. Make your own goals to work toward — whether it's writing a book, applying for a new career, etc.
Learn to do something new — like taking an art class, guitar lessons, tennis lessons, a cooking class, etc. And drop the things you aren't passionate about. It's your life, no one else's, and it shouldn't be wasted on things you don't love to do.
And, like Jonathan Mead says on the website Zen Habits, "Focus on what matters and stop stressing so much that you’re no longer enjoying life. … On your deathbed do you really think you’re going to be thinking about the to-do list you didn’t complete? I don’t think so. You’ll probably be thinking about how you wished you would have had more fun, spent more time with your family and enjoyed life more."
Visit the website Live Bold and Bloom for 26 simple ways to make your life more exciting.
Getty Images Do you remember when your parents would tell you that you were going to Disney World, or some other vacation, and you were ...
It's easy to think of Katy Perry as happy-go-lucky. You would mistakenly think she leads a charmed life — known as the first woman, and second artist following Michael Jackson, in the 55-year history of the Billboard Hot 100 to have five songs from the same album hit number one.
But just because she smiles for the paparazzi and dances around stage in skimpy animal print outfits during her shows, no one knew what she was dealing with at the end of the day.
After her break-up from comedian Russell Brand, when she was laying on the bathroom floor, she was a completely different Katy. After all, what can you expect when her husband of 14 months, who promised to love her "for better and for worse," told her he wanted a divorce through a text message of all things. I would be pretty devastated too.
Sometimes it's easy to forget that celebrities are humans too. But the black-haired beauty proved that, just like many people have felt at one time or another, she too knows what it feels like to second guess life and wonder if it would be better just to end it.
Perry recently admitted to Billboard that, after her relationship fell apart, she considered suicide.
"I asked myself, 'Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?'" she told Billboard's Ryan McGinley.
McGinley said in the article that, during the interview, Perry bared zero resemblance to the cotton candied persona she had crafted for herself. She wore no makeup, her hair was pulled back, she wore black Adidas workout tights and a faded hoodie over a "Christian Death Metal" T-shirt.
Her album PRISM, due out Oct. 22, is obviously much darker than her previous albums. In her new song "By the Grace of God," she sings,"Thought I wasn't enough, found I wasn't so tough. Laying on the bathroom floor. We were living on a front line and I felt the fall was on mine. Couldn't take it anymore."
She could have easily kept up the illusion that fans came to know her as. But the fact that she confesses these suicidal thoughts made me respect her.
I think many people can relate to these feelings. After the end of a relationship you thought was going to last forever, it's difficult not to wonder what you did wrong — even if it's not your fault at all. It's difficult to believe that things will get better.
I think those going through what she did should make this song their anthem and learn from the words that end the song:
"I know I am enough, possible to be loved
It was none about me
Now I have to raise above
Let the Universe call the bluff
Yeah, the truth will set you free
By the grace of God
There was no other way
I picked myself back up
I knew I had to say
I put one foot in front of the other and
Looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn't gonna let love take me out that way."
When I think of singer Katy Perry, I picture the bright colored costumes — like her lollipop dress— or her neon hair styles. I think of he...
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| AP Photo |
These words were part of the suicide note written by Kurt Cobain, the lead singer, guitarist and songwriter of the rock band Nirvana, before he took his life in 1994. He was found dead in his home on April 8 with a shotgun across his body and a visible gunshot wound to the jaw.
Cobain's death at 27 years old could be considered one of the most famous suicides in pop culture. And now, there's a possibility that his childhood home could become a museum. At least that's one of the possibilities now that his mom has decided to sell it.
Photos: Kurt Cobain's childhood home up for sale
Photos: Kurt Cobain's childhood home up for sale
I have always wondered about his death — and with Cobain again in the news almost 20 years after his death, it prompted me to write about this obviously troubled and talented musician.
In one analysis of the suicide note, it is said that Cobain berates himself — that, despite the good things in his life, he seemed to feel that he didn't deserve to be happy.
The adoration of all of his fans proved to be too much for Cobain to handle. He was once quoted as saying, "I want to have the adoration of John Lennon but have the anonymity of Ringo Starr.”
In the suicide note, he writes about no longer wanting to fake that he is having fun. It seemed like Cobain was tortured in feeling like he was letting others down — even if creating the music that his fans loved no longer gave him the pleasure it once did.
The note shows, to me, that in the end, he was performing because it was what was expected of him.
I think many people can relate to this.
Did you ever do something others expected of you and not because it was actually what you wanted or something you were passionate about?
Everyone feels that pressure to live up to society's standards. Yes, even celebrities. Maybe even more so.
Not taking the conspiracy theories into consideration, it seemed like Cobain felt dying was a better alternative to letting people down.
But to me, dying is the worst alternative. Taking your life lets people down more than anything else. If he could see his family, his friends and his fans now, I think he would know that people would have much rather seen him quit the music industry than die. Hands down.
Just Google an image of Courtney Love, Cobain's wife, before his death — and then after. Afterward, she looks like a different person — all skin and bones with cracks on her lips. After his death, tabloids called Love a "complete mess" — with her public flip-outs, drug busts and child custody battles. Do you think she was better off, like Cobain thought she would be?
And how about Cobain's daughter Frances Bean Cobain, who turned 21 this year and had to deal with the death of her father before the age of two. She was left with a mother, who she later got a restraining order against.
To end his suicide note, Cobain wrote, "I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. … Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me."
Does this seem like how the two of them are today?
Does this seem like how the two of them are today?
I can't help but wonder — if this man with a big heart survived, how much different would his family's life be?
If the things you once loved don't give you pleasure anymore, don't be afraid to give up on these once held dreams. Do what you love and stop doing what you don't love and don't worry about who you will let down. This is your life, the only life you have, and giving up on these artificial things are so much better than giving up on life.
AP Photo "T here's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f**king sad....
But, even more importantly, a job is the way people support themselves.
Yet there are many people out there who have gotten laid off or can't find a job in the first place.
And, when this happens, many people lose their will to live. Just like James Stewart's character in "It's a Wonderful Life," with the threat of losing his job, he wishes he was never born.
This fact was proven with new research published in the British Medical Journal this month. The financial crisis in North America and Europe led to nearly 5,000 additional suicides in 2009 compared to the norm. CNN reports that nearly the entire increase can be attributed to men taking their own lives, according to the survey of data from 54 countries.
In 2009, suicides of men jumped by nearly 9 percent, according to the report, and in North America, this jump was seen most in 45 and 64-year-old men.
Although within the last few decades, equality between sexes has definitely increased, still, many men seem to base their value on the job they have, while women are less likely to do this.
One thing I would like to say to men (and anyone, for that matter) — you are worth so much more than your job. And no matter how much harder life may be when you're in between jobs, I can guarantee that life won't be easier for those you love without you there. No, you are not doing your significant other, children, family members or friends a favor by killing yourself.Success doesn't happen overnight, and that there are many people going through what you are going through. You are not alone.
Also, remember you entitled to certain benefits. Claim them as soon as possible. Sure, you will have to reduce your daily expenses after losing a job, but that doesn't mean you have to be completely without money.
And, above all, don't be afraid to ask for help. Someone else may have been exactly where you are right now and you didn't even know it.
A large part of most people's identity is in the job they have. I know for me, if I'm asked to describe myself, one of the first ...
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| From Fall Out Boy's Facebook page |
I relived my high school and early college years this weekend by attending their concert at the Palace of Auburn Hills and head banging to their hits from the early 2000s, such as "Sugar We're Going Down."
During the concert, Wentz, 34, mentioned their four-year long hiatus — admitting that they never planned to return to the music scene. He said the reason they decided to write new music is because the songs they heard repeatedly on the radio recently were mostly about topics such as "popping bottles." They wanted to come back to represent the outcasts.
I think this was honorable for the band to do. I feel that musicians have the rare opportunity to illicit a feeling in their fans and make people not feel alone.
After going to the concert, I was inspired to research what had happened in Wentz's life. In addition to a divorce from fellow singer Ashlee Simpson in 2010 and a leak of a nude photo, as it turns out, he has plenty of life experiences to draw upon for his songs.
Unbeknownst to me, eight years ago Wentz tried to kill himself by overdosing on Ativan anxiety pills while sitting in his car in a Best Buy parking lot.
Wentz said, "I called up my manager because I was, at that point, completely out of my head with Ativan. And I was talking to him and I was slurring my words, so he called my mom and my mom called me and she came and got me and we went to the hospital."
In an interview with Jed Foundation's Half of Us campaign, which works to decrease youth suicide rates, Wentz said his doctors aimed just to keep his head above water. But Wentz said, to survive, people need to focus on more than just getting by.
"It's about feeling all right and feeling safe in your own skin," he said.
He gave this advice to those suffering from depression — allow yourself to be unhappy. He says when he is unhappy, he will now express it. And in turn, with the help of his 4-year-old son Bronx Mowgli, he is able to handle life's ups and downs better.
I think talking about it is essential in overcoming mental illness. And I'm so grateful for the celebrities who, instead of using their fame to talk about boozing it up or having a lot of sex, use their fame for something worth while — like trying to erase the stigma of mental illness. Because I think that is one of the biggest culprits of suicide — being afraid to talk about it and keeping it all inside until, one day, you just can't take it anymore.
Slideshow: Photos from the sold-out Fall Out Boy concert at the Palace of Auburn Hills.
From Fall Out Boy's Facebook page In high school, I admittedly had a crush on bassist Pete Wentz of the punk rock band Fall Out Boy...
And as I heard the word "Suicide" just a few minutes ago, I immediately stopped what I was doing and turned toward the TV. And, with the news, my mouth fell open.
The person whose picture flashed up on the screen was a 12-year-old girl.
I know what it feels like to be bullied in middle school. The ages of 12 and 13 were probably the two worst years of my life. And my heart breaks that this caused Florida resident Rebecca Ann Sedwick, a student at Crystal Lake Middle School, to kill herself.
Before she jumped to her death at an old cement business less than one mile from her home, she texted a 12-year-old North Carolina boy she met online — saying she couldn't take it anymore.
More than a dozen girls are under investigation for possibly bullying Sediwick.
I think most people, when they picture a bully beating up kids, stealing their lunch money or giving swirlies, they picture boys.
But, I know firsthand, that young girls can be a lot crueler. Instead of using physical force, their tongues can be knives. And the gossip they spread — it cuts deep.
And what these girls would say to her — I would, hands down, rather be punched than have to go through this. Sedwick's mother said that her daughter received text messages such as, "You're ugly," "Why are you still alive?" and "Go kill yourself."
And so that's what she did.
After all, isn't this what those girls were hoping Sedwick would do? Kill herself? So they shouldn't be surprised that they, in fact, caused her to do it. And, if enough evidence is found, I believe they should be charged to the fullest extent of the law. And this is what the judge is planning to do — to charge the bullies with felony cyber stalking.
They need to be held accountable. And they need to go through some kind of counseling to show them that this is not right — and prevent them for torturing another person in this same way.
They need to be held accountable. And they need to go through some kind of counseling to show them that this is not right — and prevent them for torturing another person in this same way.
Don't tell me these girls are young. Don't tell me they didn't know better. At 12, you know better. Don't tell me a middle schooler doesn't have the mental capability to know not to say, "Go kill yourself" to someone.
I wish I could have met this girl. I wish I could have told her that life does get better and that, in the future, she would be more successful than any of these girls who made fun of her. I wish I could tell her not to give up — to instead prove all these girls wrong.
I remember looking back to my middle school days, and how my life now is nothing like how it was back then. And I'm so glad I lived to see all the good things that have happened since then. More than anything, I wish Sediwick could have lived to see the things life held for her. And that she could have seen that it wouldn't always be like middle school.
In the newsroom next to my desk is a television that is constantly playing CNN in the afternoon so, if any national disasters occur, we wi...
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| Photo from "Ruby Sparks" |
Everyone has their quirks. It's part of being human. I'm sure my quirks would need more than two hands to be counted on.
But you shouldn't feel the need to apologize for who you are. And if anyone tries to change you and train you, as if you're their pet instead of a human being, please don't think that there is something wrong with you. If someone can't accept you for the person you are, then that's not a healthy relationship and it's not something you should have to put up with.
I watched the movie "Ruby Sparks" last night -- a movie about an author who makes up a fictional girlfriend who then comes to life. And, when the girl does something he doesn't like, he goes to his typewriter, and he changes her. Yet, when he tries to change her, their problems only get worse.
That's because people aren't your own personal Barbie doll or, in this case, your own character in your own personal novel. People are unpredictable. And that means, sometimes, they disappoint you.
The main character's brother Harry says about his wife, in one of my favorite lines, "I love Susie, but she's a weirdo." He says this in an attempt to tell his brother Calvin that love isn't perfect and, living with someone day after day, you see their quirks. You see how weird they are. That's real life.
Aren't we all weirdos?
I think there's beauty in imperfections. Accept these things about yourself, because no one is perfect. Anyone who tries to change this about you isn't worth your time. And, I can guarantee you, that the person who is trying to change you definitely isn't perfect either.
Never settle for anything less than someone who loves you for how weird you are.
Photo from "Ruby Sparks" You can't change people. Everyone has their quirks. It's part of being human. I'm sure ...
Have you ever felt like this? I definitely have!
Have you ever felt like this? I definitely have!
I was really excited to go on to Twitter today and see that the hashtag #Reasonstolive was trending. It was good, for once, to see an inspiring message being shared on popular media (when usually trending subjects are just Miley Cyrus and One Direction).
Some people give reasons such as to see how the shows "Game of Thrones" or "Pretty Little Liars" end. Or they gave different foods as their reasons to live -- such as pizza, bacon and cheesecake. And I say, hey, anything that makes you want to live one more day is a good enough reason for me.
To me, whenever things get hard, this thought is always what gets me through -- the possibility that the future will be better.
And, if you end your life, you will never be able to see the "better." You will never be able to see what your future holds.
If you can't think of any reasons to live, here are some more ideas. And, whenever you are feeling down, look at these reasons to remind yourself why you are here.
Some people give reasons such as to see how the shows "Game of Thrones" or "Pretty Little Liars" end. Or they gave different foods as their reasons to live -- such as pizza, bacon and cheesecake. And I say, hey, anything that makes you want to live one more day is a good enough reason for me.
To me, whenever things get hard, this thought is always what gets me through -- the possibility that the future will be better.
And, if you end your life, you will never be able to see the "better." You will never be able to see what your future holds.
If you can't think of any reasons to live, here are some more ideas. And, whenever you are feeling down, look at these reasons to remind yourself why you are here.
I was really excited to go on to Twitter today and see that the hashtag #Reasonstolive was trending. It was good, for once, to see an inspi...
For me, I remember when attending middle school at St. Joseph Catholic School in Lake Orion, I was late coming outside for my mom to pick me up. Out the window, I could see my mom's car at the curb, waiting for me. So I started running, full speed. And I rammed my face right into a window -- thinking it was an open door. I imagined I resembled a bird who flies right into a clean glass window, trying to get inside a person's house.
Surprisingly, when asking this question on our Facebook page, I got more responses than I expected of people willing to publicly share these traumatizing moments (this will be in the paper this weekend, FYI).
Kara Markusen remembers an incident during her first week of freshmen year at Gabriel Richard Catholic High School in Riverview — which sparked a phone call to her mom at work, saying, “I just had the most embarrassing day of my life.”
“In between classes, when the entire school is out in the halls, I was walking and talking with a guy in my class. I tripped over his foot and went flying down an entire flight of stairs — superman style, headfirst with my arms and legs straight out — through a crowd of people,” Markusen said. “My books went everywhere, my nylons were torn, my legs were bleeding and my skirt had even flipped up. I was mortified. In the cafeteria that day, the senior guys kept giving umpire signals, yelling, ‘She's safe!’”
About 40 years later, Clarkston native Tammie Heazlit still remembers her most embarrassing moment.
“Wetting my pants in front of the entire split third and fourth grade class at Clarkston Elementary because I was too intimidated to ask to go to the bathroom,” she said. “My mom had to bring clean clothes. My lesson — don't eat four pieces of watermelon when I went home for lunch.”
She added, “It's a long time ago, and I think it just demonstrates that, what might seem horrific at the time, with time and weathering, it's better to look back and laugh.”
I think, for many kids, these embarrassing moments feel like the end of the world. What they don't take into perspective is that EVERYONE has gone through this. And, as adults, they've turned out okay and these moments are hardly ever thought about again.
But it's easy to live in the here and now. And, when kids are pointing and laughing, it's hard to think into the future that things will get better and that, someday, it may be something to laugh about.
Sometimes, with this mindset, it's easy to make the rash decision that life isn't worth living at all.
Which just isn't true.
I'm hoping children and teens will read this and find comfort -- to know that they are not alone and to know that they should not let this moment or moments ruin their lives.
After all, we all graduate someday and never have to see these people who made fun of us ever again.
And remember this advice by Oxford Township resident James Hall, "Find the humor in the embarrassment and laugh with them, versus letting them laugh at you.”
I came up with the idea to write a story for The Oakland Press, with school starting up next week, of local residents sharing their most e...
If you are diagnosed with a mental disorder, don't consider it a debilitating disease.
For me, I have always believed that people with mental disorders are more creative than so-called "normal people." And studies prove this — that writers have a higher risk of anxiety and bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, unipolar depression, and substance abuse (being a writer myself, I don't doubt this).
The Huffington Post reports that researchers at the Karolinska Institute near Stockholm found that families with a history of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia were more likely to produce artists and scientists.
Instead of dwelling on the obvious negative effects of a mental disorder, use it to your advantage. Maybe this will show you that, as much of a pain it may seem, there's a reason why you are the way you are.
Instead of staying isolated in your bedroom, which may seem desirable on some days, use your talents. Show them to the world instead of hiding it. And use this to raise awareness of mental illness instead of being ashamed.Because, as I always say, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Max Bemis, lead singer of the band Say Anything, does this. In the last few months, I have been listening to their songs a lot.
And I have to admit, I have a newfound appreciation for this band that I first heard about senior year of high school. And I have noticed how "real" and creative their songs are.
So it wasn't too surprising when I found out Bemis was diagnosed with bipolar disorder since I've always thought that the best artists, well, they can't be "normal."
And Bemis does not hide his disorder. It is actually a topic in many of his songs.
For instance, in the song Church Channel, he sings:
I wake up in a room and realize I'm insane again
This is the fifth time straight in a year
I've ended up in here
Eating pbjs and watching the church channel nightly
I didn't mind what I did
I fell behind on my nightly four-course meal of rainbow pills
And now I'm wondering what is fake and what is real
Before Bemis knew what was wrong, while he was in college, he would smoke pot during his lows. Which would bring him into an even deeper low, he said.
While in the middle of recording his first album, Bemis reached his breaking point. He became very paranoid – in essence, thinking he was in “The Truman Show,” Bemis said in an interview. He said this marked his first “manic break,” and he thought he was going to die.
“It was, I think, one of the most frightening moments in my life,” he said, adding that he went around Brooklyn, screaming at strangers and was sent to the hospital for one week.
And in that week, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Bemis said, it took him three years to accept this diagnosis.
Bemis offered this advice: "You're not alone. ... There are so many cool people with these issues. These issues make you cool in your own way."
He said, more and more, as he has spoken up about the disease, people are becoming more accepting of the disease. Sometimes, if you let go of your self consciousness about mental illness, you'll realize you're not as different as you think.
And, as Bemis said, "People can be like, 'Wow, this guy is really awesome because of this."
It's not always a bad thing. It just depends how you look at it.
If you are diagnosed with a mental disorder, don't consider it a debilitating disease. For me, I have always believed tha...
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This was one of the comments on NY Daily News after former Bachelor contestant Gia Allemand was taken off life support yesterday after her boyfriend found her hanging in her New Orleans home.
On the outside, she lived a charmed life — a former Maxim model and reality TV star who was dating an NBA player. Her Instagram account was filled with photos of her smiling, partying with friends, her dog Benny and quotes such as, "Legend says, when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream."
But now, in hindsight, we can see that this was all just a facade. There was so much more going on beneath the surface than the beautiful happy-go-lucky girl she let the world see.
Her friends said they knew Allemand had demons she fought to overcome, reports NY Daily News.
"I could tell there was some insecurity going (on)," her friend Reid Rosenthal, a contestant on season five of "The Bachelorette,” told FOX 411.
“Beauty and the Geek” host Brian McFayden also said she had a lot of insecurities and was looking for attention from guys.
For those suffering from depression, insecurity is like a constant whisper in their ears — and no matter how many times others may say, "You're beautiful," it doesn't matter if they don't believe it.
I know I can definitely relate to this. And I think a lot of other people can relate to it too.
And it doesn't help when people say, "You have no reason to feel bad about yourself," or "How can you be sad when your life is so good!"
It doesn't matter what your life may seem like on the outside or even if you're a model. Depression is a disease that attacks the mind. And I think the first step in accepting this is to learn that you can't always control how you feel. And you shouldn't feel guilty for the way you feel.
It only makes things worse when others make you feel like, "Look at your life — you don't deserve to be sad."
There is no face or prototype to mental disorders. The disease can, and has, hit all kinds of people. First, you need to realize that it isn't your fault before you can truly accept yourself as you are.
Instagram "You can be the richest and most beautiful person in the world and, if you're mentally ill, nothing can change that....
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| The Oakland Press/TIM THOMPSON |
This is what happened yesterday when employees arrived to work at Industrial Experimental Technologies in Auburn Hills. They found a 48-year-old Oakland County woman face down with what appeared to be self-inflicted lacerations on the inside of her arms, reports John Turk of The Oakland Press.
The employees were obviously shaken, and this will surely be an image that will stick in their minds forever — and probably replayed itself over and over as they tried to fall asleep last night. This event could possibly affect their state of mental health as well. A vicious circle.
This is something I don't think a person could ever really get over. I know, for me personally, I would never get over it.
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| Christine Chubbuck |
One of the most public suicides within the last 50 years was that of Christine Chubbuck, a news anchor in Florida. She went through the newscast, covering three national news stories and a local restaurant shooting from the previous day. She ended by saying, "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in 'blood and guts' and in living color, you are going to see another first — attempted suicide." She then drew a gun, shot herself behind the ear, slumped forward and was pronounced dead 14 hours later.
I don't know about you, but this is not something I would want to be remembered for. I would not want this to be the last image people had of me. And I would especially not want the image of my dead body to be what people — strangers even — replayed in their heads day after day and, likely, remembered for the rest of their lives.
Forevermore, people will not remember you for your accomplishments, but for this.
When Google searching "Christine Chubbuck," every search talks about her "live on-air suicide." No, she is not remembered for the things she did in her life or for the stories she covered. Instead she is remembered for the gruesome way in which she died.
Authorities have been looking into how to prevent public deaths, specifically the most common public suicide of jumping from a bridge, with preventive measures such as concrete barriers, suicide hot line phones or safety nets hanging from bridges.
Kevin Hines, who survived a leap from the Golden Gate Bridge in 2000, told The Associated Press, "I would never have jumped off that bridge" if there had been obstructions in the way."
Most importantly, if someone posts on social media about suicide or if you see someone in a public place about to commit suicide, take it seriously and call 9-1-1 immediately.
The Oakland Press/TIM THOMPSON Can you imagine going into work in the morning and finding a dead body in the parking lot? This is what...
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But what if this voice was not coming from a person? What if, for hours everyday, you heard someone talking to you or about you — even when you're alone?
But with these voices, you never truly feel alone. The voices see everything you see, hear everything you hear and insert thoughts into your head. But, unlike your own thoughts, these are thoughts you cannot control. And you have no idea what the voice is going to say next.
This would be completely terrifying.
So I was not too surprised when I heard that kids who hear voices may be at a high suicide risk. In a new study of 1,112 teens age 13 to 16 in Ireland, hearing voices was linked to a nearly 70-fold higher likelihood of a suicide attempt over the course of a year. Of those studied, Reuters reports that 77 of the teens reported hearing voices or other sounds that weren't there. Of these kids, 20 percent reported attempting suicide within the year — compared to 2.5 percent of the kids who didn't hear voices.
Some people's voices are guiding and inspiring. Others are abusive — telling them to do things or making them feel bad about themselves. I'm sure that the content of what these voices are telling the teens is also linked to the likelihood of suicide attempts.
Looking at a schizophrenia forum, one anonymous person said that the voice in his head constantly reminds him of the wrongs he has done and tells him he doesn't deserve sleep.
One person said in response something that I think could be beneficial to anyone going through this — "You are special, you have a condition that makes you special, do not let the disorder take away your purpose, use medication to find rest from suffering and chaos. Do not give up hope, keep trying."
Some advice — talk to other voice hearers. Groups can be found on hearingvoicesusa.org. Founded in 2010, the Hearing Voices Network USA represents a partnership between individuals who hear voices or have other extreme or unusual experiences, professionals and allies in the community, all of whom are working together to change the assumptions made about these phenomenon and create supports, learning and healing opportunities for people across the country.
Don't be afraid to discuss these voices in your head. By learning from others experiences, you can learn the tricks of these voices in your head and try to block out what it's saying.
Mentalhealth.org says that it's imperative to accept the voices as part of yourself — instead of considering it as something wrong with you. Try not to feel powerless. These voices are inside your head. A psychiatrist can teach you how to have influence over these voices…instead of the voices having influence over you.
Art by Jonathon Rosen Imagine hearing someone physically speaking to you. You have no idea what this person is going to say. Sounds...
There is a moment when a person realizes he or she is officially an adult.For me, it was when I realized that I no longer can eat whatever I want. Last weekend, I tried on all my shorts from the previous year and, guess what, none of them fit. If I could even get the pants over my thighs, the zipper surely wouldn’t zip and the button definitely wouldn’t close.
To make things worse, this week I tried on a couple of pants that, only three months ago, fit perfectly. Now, I can't even button them. This morning, I tried to put on a pair of pants -- and the button snapped off. It's as if, practically overnight, my metabolism plummeted. And with it went some of my self-confidence as well.
Although this may seem like a small problem to some, to me, all I could think was, "I have officially crossed over the point of no return."
I can no longer eat fast food whenever I'm too lazy to cook (which is, usually, multiple times a week. Which explains why I can no longer fit into my pants). I am sure I will react similarly when I find my first grey hair. Geez, becoming an adult can be scary.
But, the more I thought about it, the more I thought, "If you're lucky, these things happen to everyone." After all, the alternative is worse. And, as my dad has always told me, "It only matters how old you feel."
Here are some ways to cope with the inevitable transition of getting older:
1. Stop thinking about "age milestones" you think you're supposed to meet. Sure, in your parents generation, it may have been normal to get married in your 20's. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you if you don't get married then. After all, haven't you ever watched "Sex and the City?" In this generation, these so-called age milestones are going by the wayside.
In 1960, 70 percent of 25-year-old women and 65 percent of 30-year-old men had attained "traditional" adult status defined as: leaving home, finishing school, getting married, having a child, and being financially independent.
To me, this is comforting to know that we can be our own person, do what we want with our lives and not have to worry about these once-significant "time periods."
2. Exercise. Not only will this make you stay healthy, but it will also make you look and feel younger.
My dad is in his 70's, but he looks like he's 20 years younger and acts more like he's in his 30's. And I think the fact that he works out five days a week definitely helps him.
3. At least once a week, do something fun and plan something to look forward to.
As an adult, we get into a daily routine. But every once in a while, you need to let loose and do something that makes you not feel so much like an adult -- even something as simple as swinging on the swings at your local park or dancing around your bedroom.
4. Don't lose touch with friends. I know that for many people, getting older means losing touch with those we once cared about. At least once a month, make it a point to meet up with your high school or college friends to catch up -- whether it's hanging out at one of your houses or drinking a cosmopolitan.
There is a moment when a person realizes he or she is officially an adult. For me, it was when I realized that I no longer can eat whateve...
It was 2 a.m. Sunday during my mini-vacation to Chicago this weekend and, as I was sitting in my
"What is it?" I asked.
"Cory Monteith died!" she exclaimed while staring at her computer screen. "He was only 31!"
For the rest of the day, I was in a permanent state of shock. After seeing his face week after week on one of my favorite TV shows, it's easy to feel as if you know a person. And then, suddenly, he's gone.
Although his cause of death has not yet been determined, there has been a lot of speculation considering he was not shy about his long battle with drug addiction.
In 2011, he told Parade magazine that he began using drugs at the young age of 13.
He had a trouble childhood, including petty crime. He admitted to feeling like an outsider and ditching school to smoke pot and drink. But he was trying to break the habit, even giving advice to others not to do drugs and doing a brief stint in rehab in April of this year.
A person's demons can have a huge effect on his or her life. And, instead of using healthy ways, many people turn to drugs in order to try and bury this pain.
And now, during an apparent moment of weakness, this young star, who was just beginning a promising career, lost his life.
Even if this is not the cause of death, Cory's life proves the importance of being drug free. You can't say, "Oh I'll try it once" or "Oh, just one more time." Because that one more time could kill you.
In reference to Cory's death, Jamie Tworkowski, founder of the suicide awareness organization To Write Love on Her Arms, tweeted, "May we never stop fighting for the life and hope and sobriety of the people we love."
I don't care who you are, you don't know what the future has in store for you. And doing drugs is never worth the chance you take of never seeing this future. For Cory, not only was he one of the main characters of "Glee" for the past four years, but he was just embarking on acting on the big screen as well.
Who knows what could have been in his future. An Emmy? An Oscar? Marriage? Kids?
And now, we will never know.
If you or someone you know is suffering from addiction, visit http://www.addictionsearch.com/ or http://www.northoaklandcoalition.org for Oakland County residents for more information on how to beat this.
It was 2 a.m. Sunday during my mini-vacation to Chicago this weekend and, as I was sitting in my friend's studio apartment, she sudden...
