Sometimes good kids have bad parents
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| ^How I wish more people would think!^ |
Parents are supposed to love us unconditionally, right? They are the people who love us no matter what and are there with open arms, right?
The sad fact is that it's not always like this, and several children don't grow up feeling their parents' love. And I know they beat themselves up for this, and think it's somehow their fault. After all, when the two people you have known longest in your life, the people who have given you life for God's sake, can't show you love, it's hard to ever feel like love exists or that you're worth loving at all.
I won't pretend like I know what it's like, but I have personally witnessed the nicest man (tied with my dad) be verbally abused by his own mother on several occasions. Several times, he has told me that he doesn't feel like she loves him. She tears him down, and tears him down -- even yelling at him when he's helping her clean her house. I have never once heard her compliment him for something he does right. She never hugs him and never says she loves him. She humiliates him when he tells her about his dreams, giving him a blank face, “Why?” She rolls her eyes at him, she yells at him and tells him she can’t wait until he moves away from her. To her own son! And in return, she made him feel like he doesn't do anything right.
The truth is, she doesn’t know how lucky she is to have him in her life. And she can’t even open her eyes to realize this – to treat him with appreciation, treat him like the blessing he is. Instead, she treats him like he is anything but.
And it makes me sick to my stomach because he doesn't deserve this. Not at all. He is an amazing man who cares about others more than himself, helps out even when he gets nothing in return (which is most of the time), is funny, kind and has the hugest heart (even bigger than the Grinch at the end of the movie when it busts through the imaginary X-ray).
This is true about you too. Just because you have parents who don't treat you right, that doesn't mean you don't deserve it. That doesn't mean a single word they say is true. And I know, being that it's your parents, it's hard not to believe them. But here's something you need to take to heart -- just because they're your parents doesn't not mean at all that they are right. And sometimes, children are smarter than there parents will ever be.
A report of child abuse is made every 10 seconds, according to national statistics, and over 3 million reports of child abuse are made every year in the United States. And these are just the REPORTS of child abuse. That doesn't count all the abuse that goes on behind closed doors that is never reported. That means millions, possibly billions, of children each year are made to feel on a daily basis that they aren’t good enough.
I really like this quote by Michael Levine – “Having children makes one no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.”
This is so true, and if you have a parent who abuses you, than he or she really isn't a parents at all.
This is something I would like to say to people who have abusive parents, either verbally or physically: No matter how much these people who are supposed to be your parents tell you that you’re not good enough, don’t believe them. It’s not true.
Your mom or dad is treating you this way because either a) he or she is immature and selfish; b) he or she has a mental disability which causes them to behave this way; c) he or she has an alcohol or drug problem; d) they lack parenting knowledge. All of those options are not the child’s fault.
That man I was talking about earlier, instead of listening to what his mom said about him, has proven to her time and time again how wrong she is about him. And if your parents treat you that way – show them just how wrong they were too. Because they are wrong.
12 comments
Very good post. It's sad when you think about all these good kids who have so much potential never get the love they really deserve. Sadly there will always be people like that in this world. I see it with my own eyes..my husband, such a wonderful man, has been abused his entire life by his father. Even now! My husband keeps blaming himself for everything stupid mistake his father does and it kills me to see him to broken down... shame on these parents... you're right..they are not parents at all!
ReplyDeleteIts really unfortunate because poor parenting like these examples above give the child difficult hurdles to overcome when they get older. As the child of a pain med-addicted mother and a recovering alcoholic father who refused to see my sister and I if his child support wasn't lowered,I can tell you it has provided hurdles for me to jump through. It brings up feelings of resentment, anger towards the whole world, despair, and can alter your outlook on life.
ReplyDeleteI've tried for years to keep a smile and use the lack of support and emotion that i've received for years as motivation to remind myself that i'll succeed further than they ever could, be a better parent than they ever would, and tell myself over and over that i'm better than they are.
I've tried to help my mom get clean for years but there comes a time when you finally have to wash your hands of things and leave it in God's trust. I just keep believing that God has something greater in store for me, otherwise he wouldn't have instilled me with such a resilient mindset and persistent attitude for success.
Thank you so much for your comment, Dave! You really are a very strong man. I can't imagine being treated that way by parents. But I do believe that you were meant to use that pain to help those who may be going through the same things as you did — and to teach them that they don't deserve it.
DeleteWow, Dave, that's really inspirational. I think you're doing an amazing job. Letting go is powerful in many ways. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteThanks for posting this and to those people who comment. Somehow, I felt relieved knowing that I'm not alone. Both of my parents are verbally abusive. I don't think that verbally abused is less than physically abused. Their ugly words destroyed me inside. I felt stupid, ugly, worthless, useless. Nothing is worth staying alive. Luckily, I have supportive and loving friends. I gather strength to continue living because there's people out there even though their not family or relatives they love you for who you are.
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ReplyDeleteThanks so much for posting this article, Monica! This helps me realize that I'm not alone, and I really needed this right now. I'm not sure that my experience has been as bad as your friend's, but it has been bad enough. I need to remember that I really am a good person and I do deserve better. And, if I work on myself and do what I need to do to get free, I will eventually get what I deserve.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why some people (including myself) are born to physically or emotionally abusive parents. I don't understand why God allows that to happen. But I have to believe that there is a way out of the situation and that I can create a better environment for myself, and that I deserve better.
Thanks again.